A moment of silence for the passing of El Caliente El Guapo.
We here at Hey Stupid are sorry to announce that long time, unpaid, over exploited correspondent, closet dwelling custodial engineer El Caliente El Guapo has passed away.
For over a year El Caliente lived in the third floor closet of the Hey Stupid headquarters and survived on a diet of rats, beans, bugs and…well, you know, other stuff that Mexicans eat. His body was discovered last night as Nick Fit and E-Rokk were racing their modified Big Wheels around the complex.
“When we got to the third floor there was this godawful smell. I felt my stomach churn as I wondered if it was one of E-Rokk’s “wives” that we didn’t properly remove. As we approached the custodial closet though I began to come to grips with the truth, El Caliente was dead”. Nick Fit broke down and started crying after giving this statement, but he was fine again in a moment when he realized that his movies from Netflix had arrived.
According to his own accounts El Caliente was born in a poor Mexican village, his mother and father have both passed away and he has 13 brothers and sisters. He had an uncle who El Caliente allegedly set on fire before “emigrating” to the U.S. by digging a tunnel.
His final thoughts were scribbled on a piece of toilet paper:
“El dios querido si cualquier persona encuentra esta nota, esté enterado que me trabé accidentalmente en este armario de diciembre el 19 de 2007 y se ha pegado por favor adentro aquí para los últimos once días. Nadie ha notado al parecer que falto porque se parece como si nadie ha hecho una tentativa de venir me busca.
Es mi ope que eso el dios maldijo los bastardos que poseen este edificio todo el dado de la sífilis y tienen sus ojos comidos hacia fuera por los marmosets y tienen sus narices violaron por los caballos enojados. No hay castigo no importa cómo el malo que me hará la sensación que esos shitbags unholy fueron traídos a la justicia.
E-Rokk, ajuste de la mella, el JaGe, huesos de Brom, Rufus y el champ Kennedy todo comen los penes gordos grandes cada día y merecen descomponerse en infierno. Estoy muriendo lentamente en dolor y la agonía y nadie viene rescatarme. Yo he comido todas las insectos y ratas que podría encontrar hace días. He llevado masturbating y la ingestión de mi propio semen para los alimentos. Sé que voy a morir muy pronto y deseo poner una maldición en todas sus cabezas.
Mi solamente pesar es que nunca fui detrás para ese envío del oro barro la estola de I del gobierno mexicano. Valió 19 millones cuando I lo robó sobre hace veinte años. Debe valer millones más hoy. El Oh bien, su localización se puede encontrar en…”
No one can be sure exactly what the note says because El Caliente never really learned how to write, so he would get stuck easily in a thought and just make up words.
El Caliente El Guapo you will be missed.
“immigrating”
Emigration is the act and the phenomenon of leaving one’s native country to settle abroad
From now on, every time I watch “The Mexican” with Brad Pitt, I’m going to spend a second or two missing this poor bastard.
What’s funny, or at least terribly ironic, is that that was one of the movies that I got from Netflix. Fucking crazy.