So that Some May Live in Freedom.
Fuckin’ redcoats are everywhere.
I do it all for God and for Jesus and for Mr. McMahon. I have conquered tyranny in my own small way. Yes, countrymen, I have sent a random person on my friend Liana’s MySpace page talking a bunch of shit on the Revolutionary War. He is a 27 year old Englishman, and a hater of freedom and lover of oppression. I break free of your shackles and I shit on your piss.
The original message is as follows:
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“I bet you redcoats are spoiling for another rematch”
That’s right, lobsterback. Here in America we have a thing we like to call freedom, and there’s no “tyranny” in freedom, son! We gave you a rematch in 1812 and we beat that ass for a second time!
Here’s a list of things that I hate about England:
Jason Statham. I hate British accents and basically everyone in Britain except Clive Owen and Daniel Craig. I hate The Streets, I hate the Stamp Act, I hate tea and crumpets, I hate foggy weather, I hate Yes, I only like Jack the Ripper because he killed English people, I hate The English Patient (never saw it), I hate that Napoleon lost at Waterloo, I hate white-boy soccer, I hate Doctor Who, I hate General Montgomery, I hate Big Ben (the clock and the football player), and I hate people who have rotten teeth. Take a shower, then brush your teeth, and then drive on the right side of the road. Also, I like the Dynamite Kid, Davey Boy Smith, and Lord Steven Regal.
I am also okay with Spring-Heeled Jack.
We stole your Beckhams, but Tom Brady and Gisele are better than them anyways. Quit trying to steal our Liana and making her into one of your Loyalists. Down in these parts, them dar Loyalists get tarred and feathered. TRY AND PUSH ME.
- Decibel
PS William the Conqueror is a fag.
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Freedom hater “Flava Dave” wrote back with:
I don’t really see the point in you, but I will say this.
YAAY OSAMA, LET HAVE ANOTHER 9/11 SPECIAL!
Queer.
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After laughing at his response, I told Liana of my salvo. She was characteristically very upset.
Why would you do that? I don’t really appreciate it. Now I have to clean up your mess. Stop messaging my friends rude e-mails. It’s really not funny. It’s a liability because I’m the one who ultimately has to deal with it. Also, I’m not particularly the type of person who enjoys creating this kind of drama, or dealing with someone else creating it.
I’m glad you think it’s funny, but I don’t.
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I sent back this response under the title “Hear Ye”
I also contend that he started it. What with his Stamp Act and Quartering Act and then the sailor impressment. You can’t sit on the sidelines forever, Liana, and think the fight won’t come to you. You can’t sit there and let tyranny rule your life. Freedom is not free, Liana, and there comes a time when men have to stand up for their own rights and fight for their right to party. You should be glad I sent him that message, it was on your behalf. I don’t want you to be lured into their evil British realm and then forced to work on British ships as a Ben Hur esque boat rower!!! You will never see your cat again or your Motley Crue shirt. How do you like it when I show you what you have to lose by their evil hands?
You should be glad you have a friend that cares about you as much as I do.
- Decibel
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Miss Sensitivity wrote:
Jesus Christ. Don’t do it again to any of my friends, please.
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At which, I responded with:
Motherfucker burnt down the White House.
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I received no response, so I sent her this text about her cat:
“You will never see Willy again!”
Not HER cat but one of many cats she will never see again:
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Still no response. I’ll keep you updated on this battle, as it rages on in the heart of the young with Kip Winger and George Washington. There will be a blog about this soon, because she’s on the verge of getting pissed at me again and deleting me for another year or so. It is the price I pay so that some will live in freedom.
- The Patriot
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