Cock teasing and the Men that love it!
Cock Teases… We all know what I’m talking about! Big burly men that have muscles on top of their muscles, men who eat steel and babies for breakfast and shit out super models, men who are so fucking awesome that they only require one name, like Nitro… or Turbo.. or Gemini! I’m talking about the American Gladiators bitches!
So this past season, me and E-rokk’s unanswered prayers had finally been answered! It was announced that over the writers strike that NBC would bring back the glorious phenomenon known the world over as American Gladiators! Hosted by none other than Hulk Hogan and the hottest man/boxer/woman? I’ve ever seen, and, even better yet, presented in glorious HD!! When I tell people that I spent an ungodly amount of my settlement check on a 52″ XBR 5 just so I could see the Gladiators in all their glory, they call me a nut case… insane… gay even! Well, until you’ve seen Helga’s humongous breasts pile drive a short blonde mother of 3 into the pads in glorious 1080, well, you truly have not lived!
But wait… Alas… the writers got the sand out of their vagina’s and started writing According to Jim and The Biggest Loser once again and flooding my screen with huge steaming piles of shit once again. But its ok, I still have my Gladiators to keep me warm… Wait, whats this? Knight Rider is coming back!! Thank you NBC, thank you!! I should have known better, for we all know that no one in the general media thinks… at all!
Knight Rider was a 2 hour shit feast! A fucking Ford commercial with Ford commercials every 7 minutes… Fuck you guys! But its ok, I still have my Gladiators….Right…..RIGHT??
Nope… I couldn’t be more wrong! They narrow it down to 2 queer looking guys, a blonde that I wouldn’t fuck and an Asian hooker that may or may not be the one I rap….. Um…I mean, had a beer with in SoDak! They run through the same lame course that they used at the end of every show… nothing was changed! I don’t even remember who won, like it matters, and that’s it! Roll credits! Bring up CSI: NY or Miami or some other dumb ass cop show and lets forget that we just resurrected and subsequently killed one of the greatest shows NBC has ever produced…. And my shaft goes limp as I pack my blue balls with ice…
~The JAGE Out…
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