You know like most holidays the 4th of July of every year gets on my nerves.About a month before the day is even close, morons are out at their local Wal-Mart ready to buy things that go boom, or make some loud stupid noises that are designed to impress even the stupidest of monkeys.

It’s a shame that on the day we are supposed to celebrate our independence, we are too busy watching flashing lights and listening to idiots yell “damn dat was loud yo”.

Have we really fallen so far down the chain of evolution that we are impressed by ten dollar cardboard objects that we light on fire and watch brightly colored fuzz spew from it’s cheaply constructed holes?

I thought on this day, we should eat food, spend the day with loved ones, and remember that even though this country has it’s problems (and lately it’s a lot of them) but still at LEAST be satisfied with the fact that we don’t live in brazil or africa were people are starving to death.

Instead, we light off stupid fireworks that annoy our neighbors when they are trying to sleep, or just relax, and eat so much more food then we need to, we could save a dying third world country.

It’s to my understanding that the whole “fireworks” thing is supposed to be a reenactment of the past wars, where we remember those who died for our country in order for us to have the very little freedoms that we have today.But apparently people don’t care about that anymore, all they care about is eating more food then they should, and listening to stupid cheap explosions that are supposed to remind us of our freedom.

Do you really think your neighbor that has a john deer pro tractor parked on his drive way is thinking of the people that died for this country when he lights off his quarter stick of dynamite? Hell no, he just wants to impress all of the other stupid people around him by making the biggest boom, and blowing up a small part of the country he’s supposed to love.

Do you really think your neighbor with the $200, 000 gas grill, that if lite improperly could blow up half of Russia really cares that there are countries where people starving to death? No, all he cares about is being able to cook 12 hamburgers at the same so he can shove them down his selfish gullet while spewing crumbs in your face telling you that your local sports team is “gonna win it all this year”.

Wow America, thats a great way to celebrate the freedom that our fore fathers and great grand parents died for.

Now hold on just a minute before you start judging me…theres is nothing wrong with celebrating the 4th of July…all i ask is that you do remember why you are celebrating it.

Have a cook out.

Have fireworks.

Then watch “saving private Ryan”, or any War movie to top the day off.

Was it worth all those people dying in wars so you could stuff your fat ass with food or blow off your fingers with cheap chin ease fireworks?

You tell me.

Everyone just takes holidays for granted.

All i ask is that you remember WHY you have the right to over eat, or blow off bodily appendages.

- StraTT

PART I. (7/01/0
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It was mid November and gettin cold and the Goodwill wasn’t workin’ no more
It was time for DB and the rest of the crew to haul meat to the Wal-Mart Stores.
Well they sent me down the Pike to my own delight way down ol’ Carlisle-town
The gang was rough but multi-colored from white to yellow to brown.
After trainin’ ended we went our ways never to see eachother again
But a couple o’ us ended up in Bedford all set for the Wal-Mart stint.
Well it was Paul and Leonard and Dave and me and ol’ McClintock too
So they paired us up, 2 teams of two, all four of us pretty new.
We were way up north of Bellefonte when the reefer started actin’ up
“The meats gon’ sour and the veggies too, better pull over and stop this truck.”
Well me and McClintock jumped out the cab and started beatin’ on that rig
It was right there on day 1 or 2 that I knew I was quittin’ this jig.
We got up to Elmira without any more hassle and we were both gettin’ pretty worn
Headin’ back down Rt. 15 I was fallin’ asleep and a-lookin’ for a Wal-Mart store.
It was up above ol’ Lock Haven town when I fell asleep at the wheel
I was startled awake by a red Camaro and the sound of the tire’s squeal.
We pulled off the exit and we took a nap and then drove down ol Bedford-town
I was rollin’ them wheels down 22 and I was a-layin’ that hammer down.
We picked up a load headin’ down Virginia and we listened to the sound of the night
“This here’s The Scarecrow and we’re lookin for a party tonight.
Cuz we’re two well-hung white boys, and there ain’t no bears in sight.”
Well no one answered our call of distress so we jerked eachother off in the cab
That ofcourse never happened, but thanks for readin’, and you can imagine what it would have been like if it had.

Today is a sad day and I will only speak briefly about it. George Carlin passed on at age 71. I deeply mourn his loss and realize that without him no one would have started paying attention to assholes like myself.

He truly was an inspiration.

Thanks Mr. Conductor.

Look, I will be honest and upfront here right off the bat; all of you jackasses come to MY website and read MY opinions whether you agree with them or not. The fact is, this is the first article I have personally written in a couple of months and all you dick cheeses still keep providing this site with thousands of hits a day so go ahead and rant and rave about how my opinion is worthless, but guess what ass hole, you’re reading right now aren’t you?

Ask yourself something, this in an unpublicized website, how did you find it? Could it possibly be because it came up in a web-search as an authority in whatever you were looking for? Beyond all of that, these are MY opinions, if you don’t like them move on and shut the fuck up. If you need someone to cry to I am sure your douche bag friends will be happy to sit around and have a cuddle party with you until your super sensitive self esteem feels a little less bruised. In short you’re an asshole, I am a bigger asshole, I am better than you and that’s why you are reading my shit. Life sucks, wear a helmet and if you are a big boy or girl and can’t take what I have to say…go fuck yourself.

That being said… damn hippies are still everywhere.

Recently I have noticed an influx of veganazis and douche bags cluttering up my website with their pro-vegetable agenda. Even worse are the real life assholes that mull around my community. Bad enough are the fucking McCain supportersand anti-abortion jackasses alternating every other block with their signs, come to think of it they both feature signs with disgusting shit you don’t want to look at, but I’ll move on; worse are all you fucktards that vote in support of non-smoking bars and increased taxes on cigarettes. I’ll admit it, I have recently quit smoking, but not because of any of you dip shits, I quit for my own reasons. Primarily because I realized when I started smoking that it could kill me and now that I have spawned I realize I would like to be around for awhile to hang out with my creation so I put down the Camels.

 The reason I bring this up is because I didn’t need any help from hippie jackasses telling me I couldn’t or shouldn’t smoke. I, like most smokers am a very intelligent person and realized from the beginning that if I did it long enough it would kill me. I also realized that it was bothersome to other people so in groups where most people didn’t smoke, I wouldn’t smoke around them, but I had to constantly put up with fucking morons telling me all the time that it was “a disgusting habit” and that  I “really should quit”. I feel like most smokers which is…its my body, I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it, so shut your face hole.

Imagine if I started a campaign to make it illegal to be a Vegan. “That doesn’t make sense” you say, but I say nay…it makes perfect sense and here’s why, A Vegan abuses their body by depriving it of essential things it needs, Vegans who stick to the diet long enough look frail, old beyond their years and like they are going to die at any moment just like long-time smokers, and most importantly it is disgusting and bothersometo all people around them. They never fucking shut up about their lifestyle and how great it is not eat meat and how its going to save the world. AND just like smokers they fucking smell bad.

So there you have it cockbags, lets outlaw Veganisim and tax vegetables. While we’re at it lets all just admit that we are riding through space on this rock flying around the sun and we have messed it up so bad that we are all completely fucked so lets stop trying to commercialize “going green”. I am never ever going to listen to any jackass that says the term “carbon footprint”.

When Greg Schiano took over at Rutgers, people thought he was crazy. Rightfully so. And even though he may not admit it to the public, there was undoubtably a time or two after he signed the contract that he second-guessed his decision. Sure, it was a head coaching job, and that’s really what most coordinators and assistants seek to acquire at some point. Most of them would probably agree that Rutgers was not exactly a hot vacancy. Then again, who knows, maybe with a job like Rutgers, the expectations are lower than an El Camino in El Paso.

Schiano is a master motivator and a terrific recruiter. What he has done at Rutgers will be remembered as one of the biggest sports turnarounds in recorded history. The bar set by Bill Snyder is the measuring stick to date, but Schiano is steadily approaching that mark. On top of all that, this is a guy you can truly respect. In an age where the AD’s have the walls closing in on them at all times, everyone wanting to hire the bad-character coaches just because they win games, Greg Schiano has been remarkable. His dedication to the Rutgers program will recruit players by itself. This is a guy who turned down the Miami Hurricanes opening to stay in East Brunswick. My respect for how this man handles himself and how he manages his players is insane.

What has this guy really done, you ask? In 2005, Rutgers went to their second bowl game in school history (1978). They went bowling in 2006 and 2007 as well. In 2006, Rutgers was in the national rankings for the first time in thirty years, and were a triple-overtime loss to WVU away from a BCS game. The 2006 Texas Bowl win over K-State was the first bowl game Rutgers won in their entire 137 year history.

K-State. How fitting; the program Bill Snyder built versus Schiano at Rutgers.

And I’m not the only fan in Happy Valley who has taken notes. Joe Paterno’s contract expires in seven short months. There are quiet rumors gaining slow momentum as I type this. Expect an enormous, enormous attempt to be made by Penn State.

FYI: Greg Schiano was a graduate assistant at Penn State and later a defensive-backs coach.

What has Greg Schiano done for Penn State since he left? Well, not a whole lot. What he did do was turn a Penn State recruiting hotbed into a Rutgers recruiting hotbed. Schiano is keeping the New Jersey players in state. Sure, last year he lost Will Hill to Florida, and to date for the ‘09 class, three 4-star rated prospects from New Jersey have left for Notre Dame. You can’t expect a Big East team with no tradition to win recruiting battles, now, with Florida and Notre Dame. But Schiano, surprisingly enough, might be starting to level the recruiting playing-field with his old mentor, Joe Paterno.

On April 18th of this year, 4-star QB prospect Tom Savage (Springfield, PA) chose Rutgers over Penn State, when many had him as a PSU lean. Papa Joe has a chance this weekend to even the 2009 recruiting series if Penn State steals 4-star LB Glenn Carson from the Garden State. Many think he has Penn State as his current favorite.

Penn State’s not the only PA team feeling the Schiano sting. In addition to Savage, Dave Wannstedt has, to date, already lost two other PA kids to Rutgers: 3-star MLB Jordan Hill of Harrisburg, and Neshaminy High’s 3-star TE prospect Paul Carrezola. Pitt’s Rutgers woes extend out of state, however, as 4-star NJ RB Aaron Hayward picked the Knights over the Panthers.

Penn State and Pittsburgh are not in that boat alone. Schiano’s recruiting reach is getting better. 4-star RB prospect Desmond Scott of Durham, NC chose Rutgers over a cornucopia of bigger programs: Clemson, Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, West Virginia, and NC State. In addition to Scott, Rutgers attained 3-star WR Mark Harrison from Connecticut.

There is something even more surprising about this Rutgers recruiting class than star rankings, though. For all the press Schiano gets, deservingly, this Rutgers class is different from a lot of recruiting classes assembled at other schools. With local Penn State as one example, eight of the twelve current Lion commitments were recruited by Larry Johnson. This Rutgers class is far different. Of the twelve Rutgers commitments so far, six different coaches recruited those kids. You don’t get stats like that at every school. What does that tell us? It’s hard to pinpoint. But the fact of the matter is that this whole staff is a quality staff, not just one or two guys. In my opinion, I think it shows that Rutgers has a brighter future post Schiano than what others might believe.

That is, if Schiano bolts, which history shows us is unlikely. Sure would look good in blue and white, though. Again.

In a perfect world, when your hometown team is in the finals of their league championship, your team comes out on the playing surface ready to roll, ready to win that title and take it back to the city in which they hail from. You leave everything out there, and you don’t lose by 40 points, no matter what the sporting event.

This, of course, in a perfect world.

So much is said for how the West carries themselves, full of so many superstars and so much more raw firepower. In contrast we have the East, the much criticized East, supposedly known for their soft ways and soft players. The Eastern Conference in the NBA has got nothing to be ashamed about. But what did it take to shut up the critics, the people who criticize half the teams in the whole league? It took an influx of players built in the NBA West.

Of recent Eastern championships: Shaq goes to Miami, and then we have the newly crowned 2008 champions, the Boston Celtics.

In case you live in a cave and haven’t flipped through any channels or picked up any sports pages recently, the Los Angeles Lakers took on the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals. I bet you might even remember a time when Magic Johnson went up against Larry Bird. If you can’t remember, that’s fine: the NBA did a wonderful job of pounding that legendary match-up down everyone’s throats.

It is a nice touch of nostalgia, but so is seeing your high-school sweetheart at a gas station 15 years later when she’s 80 pounds overweight, a cigarette in her mouth, and a kid on each tattooed arm. Maybe if you’re lucky she’ll slip into the conversation that her husband left her. I’ll tell you what, that situation right there, however uncomfortable, would have made me more comfortable than the disaster I watched unfold in Game 6 of the NBA Finals.

Let’s put the actual game itself on hold for just a few seconds. I’m not just talking about the actual game when I say it was a disaster unfolding before our nostalgic eyes. There was something far more disturbing in these NBA Finals than a simple blowout bred from a complete lack of effort.

There is not one person reading this, or maybe you yourself are the one I am referring to, who does not know someone else who used to love and follow basketball but now refuses to watch it. There’s a lot of reasons for this, maybe even the fact that the referees pick and choose on which nights the rules are actually in effect, but to keep my hate-mail at a rate lower than my electric bill, we won’t dig too deep at this point. How about the fact there is no way in hell that Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen would have been taken from the West and allowed to join the Milwaukee Bucks? How about the fact that Pau Gasol was allowed to go to the LA Lakers for what seems like a 17th round draft pick? Would Pau Gasol have been allowed to be traded to Seattle? Or is there maybe something else going on here?

Everything is a business, and at the end of the day, you can’t blame people for trying to make a buck. However, problems arise when the action is a blatant slap in everyone’s face, and no one can do anything about it except turn the channel, which many already have. The fans in Boston are incredible, have been wanting a winner, and maybe even deserve one after the years of struggle they have had. The Lakers themselves have had some tough times recently, and as early as a season ago, we were talking about a potential MVP who wanted out of LA in the worst way possible.

Both franchises, storied, nostalgic. Franchises like that have fanbases. Milwaukee and Seattle do not.

What the NBA did by allowing those trades was to show everyone just how bad the NBA really is. What happened with Boston this season is not a poorly wrapped Cinderella story. You have a team go from last place in their conference and in one move they win the NBA title. It is not a knock against the quality of the East, that’s a knock against your whole league.

Now, add on top of that how the rulebook is in effect every other night. The people who watched Larry Bird and Magic Johnson have tuned out, and with good reason.

The NBA wins when Boston is a winner, there’s a winner in LA, and as my buddy Fred says, New York is next.

And then you have the Game 6 debacle. The touchy-feely side of sports loves to tell us about how playing in the championship is every kid’s dream since before they were even born. So then in the elimination game, on the road where you need to be even more motivated, you lose by 40 points to a team that was in last place a year ago.

Tomorrow, when you go to work or you see your dad or your friend, make a case for them as to why the NBA is worth watching. In a perfect world, your argument is rational.

Last night, I was dragged down to Ennis, TX to go to the Galaxy Drive-In Theatre. There was a myriad of adventures. Where do I even start? Okay, well here goes…

We get close to Ennis and it is about 8:10, movie doesn’t start until 9. I guarantee my companion that Ennis has a Wal-Mart, per her request to get snacks before we go into the drive-in. Since I do not know the exact location of said Wal-Mart, I see an exit for 45 Business and I take it. We are now on what appears to be a street in a Bosnian city full of Mexicans and Homeboys. It was not exactly the most economically sound village I’ve ever been in. So after I drive all the way down through Ennis looking for this Wal-Mart, we get back on 45 and head North, back towards the drive-in. We see the Wal-Mart and we stop, but only after my companion lets me know that she no longer wants snacks, or even mentioned that she did. I pretend like she’s right.

Wal-Mart was amazing. Both bathrooms were blocked off because of whatever, and there is a one-stall family restroom way in the back of the store. I am the next in line. A father near-by tells me that his small child is in there and he’ll be right out. 15 minutes later, Junior has flushed the toilet a total of 6 times. I knew exactly what happened: cheetohead clogged the toilet, panicked, and started flushing it more and more in hopes of it clearing itself out. Daddy is just sitting there with a dumbfounded look on his face, and even scratched his head like a monkey a time or two. It’s not rocket science as to what happened in there, doofusbrain.

Then Junior flings the door open, does a quick scan to see if anyone noticed him, and runs out of the bathroom into the store, fleeing the scene. I go in, the toilet is clogged, I figured someone had to clean it either way, and made my contribution to the next guy’s frustration.

I buy Ritz Crackers, peanut butter, and leave.

We now get the opportunity to try and figure out how exactly you get to this drive-in, since it is on the access road, and not directly adjacent to an exit from I-45. 10 minutes later we get to the gate, and traffic was a lot of fun getting in there.

Finally get inside, drive around for 10 mins. trying to park, because everyone with an SUV immediately finds a spot that fucks over everyone else’s view at a drive-in, and we wait for the movie. I need hotdogs so we head to the snack bar.

The line was intense. Many jackasses of all shapes and colors are talking about things that are very interesting, like cheating boyfriends, mom giving us grief to be home early, rednecks not wanting other rednecks to pay for their cheeseburgers. I think my brain bled a little bit out of my ears. I spent a good 30 minutes in line.

Then a great thing happened. A redneck in front of me, about 50 years old, is wearing a shirt with a bear on it, sitting on top of an outhouse. Some Jonas Brothers kid taps this dude on the shoulder and says, “I don’t understand your shirt.” I am thinking, oh shit this is gonna be real great. The redneck turns around and says, “It means ‘How Big a Boy are You?’ It’s got a bear on top of a shit house.” The kid is pretty clueless. Redneck then says, “Let me ask you somethin’… if you were takin’ a shit and bear was on the roof, would you come outside?” “I guess not.” “That’s the answer.” Then he turned back around and I was awestruck.

I grabbed 3 hotdogs and 2 hamburgers and it’s like I told those people at the snack bar: “Ahhh, buddy, only thing that can save fuckin’ Narnia is Chris Hovan, buddy.” Then I gave a big “BARRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” like I was yelling in a Viking horn.

So we are only 5 days away from “Lego Indiana Jones: The video Game” and i cannot wait. I love the Lego Star Wars games, and i am looking forward indeed to Indy going Lego.

Many people state that the Lego games are for kids…but have you ever played them? Sure, the games aren’t really that hard, but there are tons of secrets and characters and stages to unlock. And ain’t no kid gonna do that…no way. Well, maybe in Japan…

I think these games were made to be easy, so everyone can enjoy them, and not be frustrated with horrible difficulty like there is in most games that come out now.

Some games to me are so ridiculously hard, they aren’t even fun, or worth playing.

Some games i am better at then others, but why is it all games have to be damn near impossible to beat anymore unless you play it on easy? I’m sorry that i do have better things to do then sit around and play games 24 hours a day until i know the game inside and out, and i’m sorry i have better things to do then go on xbox live and put down people who aren’t as good as i am at certain games. Stop living in your parents basement, get a girlfriend, a fucking life and stop hounding everyone online because they “suck”. Especially kids. And i’m not talking about Call Of Duty, or Halo, since those games aren’t for kids anyway. I mean more family oriented games like “Rock Band”.

Lego Indiana Jones is gonna be pretty sweet, and i can’t wait to pick up an Xbox360 copy on tuesday when it comes out. And for all you morons that say “those games suck….” FUCK YOU.

Indy rules, and so do legos.

God i love the 80’s.

Except for hair bands.

I’ll post a review of the games after i buy it and play through it.

- StraTT

Has George A. Romero ever done ANYTHING that didn’t involve zombies? Nah, i honestly think he never has. In his latest film, “Diary Of The Dead” Romero takes some college students, gives them a few camera’s and has them “shoot the dead”. Much like “The Blair Witch Project” or “Cloverfield” this film is supposed to look completely legit, as if the events you see are actually happening. To be honest, it doesn’t really seem to work this time. Although they give reasons for certain things, like why there is music in the movie (which is explained by the main character, that “she” added the music to make the footage look more dramatic) and at least 2 camera angles, because a second camera was found in a hospital when they stopped there to try and save a friend of theirs that shot herself after witnessing the horror of the dead walking the streets. (she ran them over and couldn’t deal with it…wuss.)It was good there was an explanation for those things, but it didn’t really help the movie look “real”.

There were no explanations in this movie about why people were coming back to life when they died. It just happened…and then they would bite more people ect ect…

the film wasn’t terrible, but i was thankful that it was no longer then 90 minutes.A few times i found myself bored with what was going, but something interesting would happen, forcing me to pay attention again.

There really isn’t much to say about the film…i pretty much gave you the plot. Jason, a film student keeps documenting the footage so the people that survive this horror will know the truth, and what really happened.

They never really find an answer for what was happening…and the footage to me looks like an actual movie, and not something recorded with a CAM.

But hey, with all the other terrible movies coming out, why not mix the blair witch project with zombies?

If you’re a fan of Romero, i said check it out, just to say you’ve seen it.

If you’re looking for something new and exciting…you aren’t getting it from this film. It’s pretty much the same thing we’ve seen time and time again.

I thought Cloverfield was much better.

5 Out of 10.

- StraTT

I remember it as if it were yesterday, I was living in a shitty apartment above a dry goods store/news stand. I awoke face down in a dried puddle of my own drool lying on a cold hardwood floor. They weren’t nice hard wood floors either. They were old slat style and they were splintered and uneven…but I digress.

The sun was more than unwelcome as it crept in through the windows. I had covered the windows months ago with old t-shirts, but there were still cracks for the brightness to shine in. I knew I was awake but I didn’t want to acknowledge  the fact yet. As I lay there trying to avoid moving too much I came to the strange realization that I was wearing only a pair of tighty whiteys.

It wasn’t strange that I was passed out in a room nearly naked, usually I wake up in stranger places with less clothing on, what bothered me was that I didn’t even own a pair of tighty whiteys let alone would I ever decide to wear them under my own volition. This was a mystery that needed to be solved, who did they belong to and why was I wearing them but alas it was a mystey that could wait.

I managed to push myself up off the floor, my bare skin sticking to it in places, but after a good (or bad) two minutes I did finally get up. I rubbed my face and glanced around to take stock of my surroundings. Stratt was asleep on the pee couch, the JaGe was crashed out on the Futon and someone I didn’t recognize was in the egg chair. Of all the furniture in my shitty apartment, the pee couch was the most fabled and therefore disgusting. It was green, it was velor, it had no legs, and as the name implies it was urinated upon.

I stretched a little and picked up a cigarette off the coffee table. I took that first delicious drag and moved slowly into the kitchen. I stood there leaning on the sink and looking out the window. I needed to determine if I wanted to shower or eat first. As I took another drag the booze headache began to overtake me. I filled a glass with some tap water and downed it, took another drag and downed another glass. I decided to shower first.

I walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower and decided to take a shit while the water warmed up. After a good BM I tossed my cigarette into the shitter and got in the shower. When I got out I realized that on the ass of the underwear I woke up in someone wrote “Foxy” in purple magic marker.