It isn’t that I am not pissed off at things, but how could I write an entire rant about how much fountain drinks cost, or the fact that Burger King should serve breakfast all day. The fact is for me to truly write a good rant, unless something personally affects me that day, like getting in a car wreck, or having something alter my life in some way, I depend on various media outlets to piss me off. For example, television and everything I hate about it, or some shitty band with some shitty view they are trying to push on people (Bono, I am keeping an eye on you). Or maybe some dumbass government official that does something stupid, hell maybe even some cum wad reporter will say some stupid shit that will set me off. The problem isn’t that the only thing that is appearing every where is this fucking war bullshit.
I am not going to rant about the war itself again, Kan Ada, the angry black female version of Canada did a good enough job of that for me yesterday, but seriously, is the world so deprived of anything interesting that every media outlet every where has to have something related to the war.
CNN.com, MSNBC.com, CBSNews.com, news.yahoo.com, and Foxnews.com all have no less than 53 articles about the war on their websites at any given moment. Is any one really THAT interested? Honestly it is to the point now where everyday when people wake up they know before they are even out of bed that somewhere in the Middle East someone is killing someone else because they call God a different name, or because they want their worthless dirt.
I am convinced I could get a group of at least 100 people together to fly to New York, follow me around to each of the major stations and organize a mass masturbation at each one, and we would barely get mentioned. Unless of course I blow my load in the face of Katie Couric, WHICH LET ME TELL YOU I HAVE THAT ABOUT DOING MORE THAN ONCE.
Maybe I should take the idea a bit further. We could get even more people and march on Washington. It could be the Million Man Masturbation. Imagine it, A million men walking down the street with their peckers hanging out stroking away and chanting something, stopping every so often to blow our loads on some monument or unfortunate tourist. Of course the whole thing would be a failure because some Jew would kill some potential 7-11 employee or vice versa outside of the city of majestic Camel Cock, Lebanon and no one would even care that we were performing Bukkake on Lincolns statue inside the memorial.
You know what I was wrong this has pissed me off so much there are a few more things I am going to rant about.
What the hell is going on at Geico? They had some pretty great commercials for a while. Recently however they have been contributing to the shitstorm constantly blowing across my TV screen rather than offering a break in it. I am talking about these celebrity commercials they are doing now. If you are lucky enough to have not gouged your eyes out from having seen one of these yet, they are a series of ads where regular people tell their stories of Geico Auto Insurance and than a celebrity does their interpretation of it.
Yesterday however I was flipping between Shark week on the Discovery Channel, and a rerun of the World Series of Pop culture on VH1. Both channels ran the exact same Geico add with Little Richard at the EXACT SAME TIME. I had to keep flipping between the two to make sure I wasn’t in some alternate dimension. Finally the moment past and I could return, although scared for life, to my regular activities of laying on the couch watching TV and trying to put off boredom masturbation. You know when you jerk off when there is nothing else to do, I am up to like eight times a day so I am trying to fight the urge from time to time.
At any rate on the very next commercial break another Geico ad comes on, this time one with Charo, as sure as fuck, it was on at the exact same time word for word on both channels. What the hell is going on. Finally I had enough; I couldn’t take it any more. I shut off the TV and decided to go sit on the porch. Maybe the night air would help me rid my brain of the conundrum. As I was sitting there a car drove by with its windows down. THERE WAS A GOD DAMNED FUCK SHIT ASS PUSSY SEMEN LICK TIT TWAT CUM GUZZLING Geico commercial on the radio.
I was concerned for a moment, and then I decided it was just over saturation and went to bed. I woke up this morning and drifted in to the living room on my way to the bathroom. Along the way I turned on the TV, Geico commercial. I get out of the shower, on my way back through, Geico commercial, I got changed, got a bowl of cereal, sat down on the couch to eat it and watch some TV before I left, yup you guessed it Geico commercial. On my way to work there was a Geico commercial on the radio, AND IT WAS FOLLOWED BY THE EXACT SAME GEICO COMMERCIAL.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. Is it just me, does that little fucking rat bastard gecko have it out for me? He is digging into my brain and eating it from the inside out. I am afraid if I fall asleep I am going to wake up with a Geico tattoo just above my cock, something along the lines of, Sure my dick is in your mouth, but I saved a ton of money by switching to Geico.
So I see there is a 9-11 movie coming out. Seriously, I feel bad for those that were affected by it. I can’t imagine what it would even be like to have lost some one in that tragedy, but really the whole idea of this movie pisses me off. First off all every red neck, no brain, SUV driving, soccer mom, put a red white and blue ribbon magnet on my car, piece of shit Faketriot is going to go see this movie. I just know the day after it comes out some lame ass is gonna come up to me and say something along the lines of, “It put so much perspective on those events or”, “It was such a good story of bravery”.
Shut up, it is Nicolas Cage stroking his fucking ego in some lame ass movie. It is going to be the new Titanic I just fucking know it. A long ass bore-fest that focuses more on the fictional lead characters playing grab ass than on the actual events of the tragedy, and shit heads will undoubtedly through their money at it seeing it time and time again.
Let it go Hollywood. Let me ask another question, since every movie that came out right around the time the towers fell that featured a shot of them, the towers had to be removed. Spider Man, Zoolander, Serendipity, Men In Black 2, Kissing Jessica Stein, Spy Game, National Lampoons European Vacation DVD, The Sopranos, and many others have all been altered to remove shots of the WTC towers. Even in newer movies in which the story took place in New York before the events of September 11th have been reluctant to include any shots of the towers. On top of all that there is a whole slew of movies that were cancelled after the events because they to closely resembled the actual events of 9/11. I say this movie should be held to the same standards. Why not, it isn’t a documentary. I say leave em out. All those other movies did and they were still good movies. Lets see if this shit fest will hold up with out them.
They use the tag line, Every generation has a defining moment, this was ours. No it wasn’t, yes as I stated it was a terrible thing, but our defining moment, I don’t think so. Buildings are destroyed in terrorist attacks all over the world, hell entire cities are destroyed, and a hell of a lot more than 3000 people die in terrorist attacks all around the world. Why does the fact that it happened in the U.S. make it our defining moment. What about the fact that the Human Genome Project has been successful in mapping human DNA bringing us closer to ridding the world of disease. What about the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina and the fact that people from all over came together in different ways to help rebuild and raise money for the victims of AN ENTIRE CITY, because the government dropped the ball.
This is a blatant attempt to make a quick buck on a film. The moment it isn’t too soon to make a movie about this topic, there they are cashing in. Playing on people’s emotions or the hopes that people will say I am more of a patriot than you cause I saw this movie more times than you, the way Mad Mel did with Christians and the Passion of the Christ.
Fuck all that.
Fuck all that.