Damn You Cortisol Commercial

I want to talk about is Cortisol. More to the point their commercials. They always start off with that fucking android whore that looks like Sally Struthers’ vagina saying some stupid shit like “Are you a fucking fat ass that is to fucking lazy to pay attention to what you eat and get your big ass off the couch and get some exercise. Now Liposuction is a surgery to remove you nasty fucking cellulite. But what if you are too poor to get you years of abusive eating sucked out through a tube? You can use Cortisol.”

Then the guy’s voice kicks in trying to sound all scientific about it. “Fat is caused by stress, having kids, improper diet, being a lazy fat ass who watches the TV Guide channel to see which celebrity is doing something I don’t care about. Fat builds over the muscle, under the skin, above the bone, under your clothes, in your ass, on your thighs, around your cankles…” and he goes on and on and on.

Then they get some foot or ass doctor to come on and act like he is a dietician and talk about how he used to be a fucking fat ass but now he is a homosexual male model just because he used Cortisol. After him is the whore who fucked all of the New York Rangers and had 74 abortions that stretched her body out, but now she has Cortisol so she can go out and continue spreading her legs to expose her disease ridden vaginal soup.

Look its simple, I have a beer gut, but that is because I drink more booze than Coors, J.D. J.B and Wabo can produce in a week. I am fat by no means, if anything I am to skinny. If you don’t wanna be a fat ass put down the dough nuts, stop eating Crisco out of the can, and get your fat cottage cheese ass out of your house and go for a walk. Pills won’t work for you because you are to fucking lazy to keep the weight off. Want proof? Any one who is dumb ass enough to buy this shitty pill has at least three pieces of exercise equipment with there shit all over it because they have never used it.


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