We are all just monkeys riding bicycles

We are all just monkeys riding bicycles

We are all just monkeys riding bicycles. You hear that? We aren’t even the cool blue flying monkeys from wizard of Oz that had a sweet ass gig roughing up the witch’s opposition; we are the stupid monkeys in little red vests and a matching fez that will probably get raped by the elephant.

First and foremost Bush makes his state of the union tonight. I really don’t care at all for politics because my life is a little too interesting to watch fat men yell at each other, but the state of the union always interests me, simply because it is supposed to be an evaluation of our nation from the guy running it. In this case how ever it is more likely to be preceded by an announcement that “The following is a paid advertisement for the Republican party.”

Now please, for the love of god don’t lump me in with the democrats either, because lets face it, right now they are like Keanu Reeves when he got the part in the Matrix. The conditions around them are so perfect any asshole can look good doing it. Trust me, the second two films sucked, and there is nothing that can be said about that but the first, you could have shoved any asswad from Carrot Top to Billy Zane, to Eric Roberts in there and had a winner. I will even go so far as to say Kevin Sorbo could have been “The One” and it wouldn’t have made any difference, and that is exactly where the Democratic party is now. Anyone from any party that is not a Republican stands a fair shot at becoming the next president. Want proof? The Dems are offering a Chick, and Black Dude, and a bunch of no body’s that wouldn’t normally stand a snowball’s chance in hell, and one of them is going to win.

Now don’t start crying that I hate women and black people, I hate some women and some black people yes, but not all. It is still quite clear however that had Bush ACTUALLY found weapons of mass destructions when he was on his “crusade” and he could actually validate spending the wealth of money and lives that he has thus far and actually caught Osama, then you would see a different race. More than likely one that Jeb Bush already one. The Dems would offer more well known candidates that believe me, would only consist of white males who have been in politics for at least 40 years.

Back in the realm of reality however, Bush has done nothing to prove to the American people why we need to be involved in a war that has no end. I really do love the fact that it started off as a “Hunt for terrorists in countries that harbor them” which was pretty much Afghanistan, and every one was happy with that; then it slowly over time became “The War in Iraq” and no one really noticed. Then all of the sudden the commander in cheat, I mean chief was standing under his Mission Accomplished banner and people finally started to ask, “What mission?”.

That mission became easily explained because Saddam is friendly with Al-Qaeda AND he has weapons of mass destruction. If that wasn’t enough to convince you Bush teamed up with wonderful folks like Alan Jackson and Toby Keith to crank out songs about why the war is so important. Lucky for me I had the foresight to invest in a company that makes magnetic ribbons to stick on cars cause I am about to make a FORTUNE at this point.

Fast forward a little more and now that title has changed again to “The War on Terror”. Did you pay attention and see what happened there? By eliminating “Iraq” from the title he no longer has to stay with in their boarders. By saying “Terror” he eliminates a real mission objectives. “Oh, we didn’t find any WMDs but the threat of them was a terrorist tactic.” So in the end we are fighting a war with out boarders and without a defined enemy so that Bush can keep picking fights with people until the spending and loss of life IS justified.

We went from Afghanistan, to Iraq, to fighting Hezbollah back to Iraq and now we are trying to pick fights with Iran and North Korea. YAY! Why am I so excited you ask? Is it because I am like the welfare mom’s out there who got knocked up by 11 different people and now that I have 86 kids I need a steady income so I live off a soldier? Or maybe because I am a gold digging little slut who looks for a soldier because not only to the have a steady income and great family benefits but while they are deployed I get that bonus money too? Nay Nay, that doesn’t apply to me, first because I am not a chick, and second because I work for my own money. The reason I am excited is because hopefully‚ĶHOPEFULLY the world as we know it is about to change.

I believe we will concentrate three quarters of our military in Iran, they will be eliminated by a nuke and we will be invaded by North Korea and Venezuela, and while the rest of you are being wiped out by the combined military efforts and the ridiculous global climate shift that I am not even getting into, myself and my colleagues will be living in a cave talking about how great it is that Natural Selection is coming back in to play and the fat and the stupid are being eliminated. All that while calling ourselves Wolverines *wink wink*


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s