So Friday night after work I drove home and got something to eat. My wife and my friend JaGe were already there and my cousin Kaygee was on his way up from his place. The plan was to go out on the town and see how drunk we could get. We left the house around 10:00 pm to head to that place that holds the title for world’s dirtiest strip club…Shotgun Willies.
Now even though I have been to cleaner strip clubs with much better dancers I still have fun at Shotgun’s playing games like “Guess that stain” before I sit on a chair or “will she cry tonight” when a stripper takes the stage. If you want to go for the bonus round you can even pay a dollar and play “Guess that smell”. The most common answer is cherry, vanilla or lavender, but Friday I swear I smelled one chick’s herp hole that smelled exactly like Nestles Quick.
So after we determined that the strippers were probably cleaner than the women there that JaGe was trying to hit on we left to go to Murph’s.
The crowd in Murph’s was INSANE, I thought maybe there was something worthwhile going on in there but I was sorely mistaken. We met up with another friend and had a pretty good time. The bathrooms in there made me want to die just a little. Like a fat goth girl who cuts herself, but then remembers that there is a sale at Hot Topic next week and she can finally get that HIM shirt she has been eyeing so she only breaks the surface of the skin on her wrist for attention.
They were packed with pissing patrons the whole night, the floor was more diseased than the snatch of an under aged Pilipino whore who had stared in 8 bukkake films the day before, and the most exciting part was that in one of the stalls there was a cup sitting on the toilet paper roll that was half filled with piss. It even made me wonder for a second if a drunk just stood there and decided not to piss in the shitter and piss in his cu, or of some one was sitting down taking a shit and wanted to see if he could piss up into the cup at a strange angle.
After a couple of rounds we left Murph’s and went to Phatty’s which was completely disappointing. We played Beer Pong until last call and went home.
Saturday during the day I laid around and played 8 bit Nintendo almost the whole day until it was time to go to the movies. We checked out Smokin’ Aces then headed up to Deadwood for Mardi Gras. First of all there were no places open to eat up there, which wouldn’t be too bad except none of us had eaten real food in well over 24 hours and while we did want to get drunk we didn’t want to die.
We began hunting for a place to eat and we went into Saloon Number 10 which was full of old women showing there tits. Now don’t get me wrong, I love hot moms, but I am not the biggest fan of the moms of hot moms, and while fake tits can look very nice, when the rest of the body looks like a bloated prune it isn’t sexy.
Unfortunately that seemed to be the tone for the whole time up there. Not really what I had hoped for. So we went back to town to drink at Murph’s and to our fortune it was whores night out. There were plenty of dirty girls there but for the most part the were too drunk to stand.