New and Exciting Reasons to Kill Yourself

By the way, if you kill yourself because of anything listed on here, you are too fucking stupid to live. This is a joke. Learn to laugh at yourself. Dumb ass.

Youre fat and gross and you smell bad yet you wear clothing that is too small for you so that horny guys and stereotypical black guys that like fat white chicks will hit on you. No one loves you; no one will ever love you. I suggest using a gun, you couldnt hang yourself because your fat ass would break the rope, and I would say to electrocute yourself in the bath tub, but no one wants to picture you naked in the bath tub.

Youre a complete fucking moron that probably still lives at home which is just a nice way of saying in the basement of your parents house because youre an asshole. You like to compensate for the fact that you never paid attention in high school, and never went to college by reciting a quote you saw on the internet written by someone who is intelligent, even though you have never read any actual books about or by that person and the quote has no relevance to a situation. You probably also think people like your taste in movies, music, (fill in the blank media). I am suggesting a razor in to your wrists, but go up and down not left and right, otherwise you wont die and you will use that for attention too.

Youre a sham; your whole life is a sham. You are a stupid, melodramatic bitch that didnt earn her job. You sit there in a position of false power because your husband is a valuable asset to the company, and yet because your fat ass fucks him you get a good job and dont have to work at the bank for six hours a week any more. You have no real responsibility because no one actually trusts you enough to do anything important, so you spend all day lumbering your fat lard ass around the office peeking over the shoulders of the guys in the graphics department, and starting shit with their bosses, because you dont understand what they are doing, than when they call you on it you cry to your husband and get them fired. No one gives a shit about you, you fat worthless whore. Shoot Clorox in to an artery and enjoy. I hate you!

If there were ever a person that were a blowjob from a buck toothed whore who drug her big teeth on the cock personified, it would be you. You are one of those shit hole people with no personality of your own. You sit around and listen to the things that everyone else wants, but because they have real lives they dont have the money to waste on things. You on the other hand have no life at all, more than likely you still live at home too and have no human interaction other than latching on to a few people you call friends. You take your pay checks and blow them on the shit everyone else wants just so you can brag about. For your death I would recommend a plastic bag over the head. Make sure it doesnt have any crumbs or shit in the bag. We wouldnt want you to sneeze and blow the whole thing

Maybe you are one of those people that spends all day on a message board waiting to reply to people with your jack ass Ideas. Maybe you are even one of those human cum dumpsters that TyPeS EvErYtHiNg like this or worse yet, May B U Do Ths 2. Pay attention, you are not creative or original. No One cares at ALL what you have to say. I am convinced you have been unleashed upon the world to punish us all. I have the solution though. When you kill yourself be creative and original. Get a gun, I would recommend a 10 or 12 gauge, and shove it up your ass. Go as deep as you possibly can. That way as the buckshot sprays up through your worthless body, it will be more interesting to the clean up crew than if you just blew your head off.

Maybe you are a teenager who thinks their shitty little life is worthless. Guess what, youre right. You will never be loved, youre ugly, and your parents hate you. Just thinking about you while I write this is pissing me off, that is how shitty your existence is. My suggestion for you is to swallow a mouth full of thumb tacks. We want to be sure it is going to do the trick, so wash it all down with a good swallow of Liquid Plumber. To finish it all off, because lets face it, you have failed at everything else in your miserable life, cover yourself in gasoline and light yourself on fire.

So, you dont fit in to any of the categories above. Youre different right. Youre unique, and you show it. You wear all black clothing, and you wear fishnets on your arms and mascara on your face. You paint your fingernails black too because you are oh so original. Maybe you are even more unique than that. You listen to punk/emo/indie/(insert shitty fad music here) and you dress is girls jeans. You wear t-shirts from shitty flash in the pan bands no one ever heard of nor cares about that you got at hot topic, and lets not forget they are in the smallest size you could squeeze your shitty self in to. Your greasy hair that you structure to look like you just woke up all day is probably died black, and your wristbands are ultra cool. Well since you are so sensitive and unique, you need a unique way to die. Strip down and cover yourself in honey, then go outside and lay on an ant hill, a big one. If at all possible, do it in the middle of the desert so that you bake in the sun as well. I hate you too.


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