I was down hanging out at the local porn shop the other day looking to add to my collection of videos. I decided to see what else the store had to offer and after getting past all the vibrators, masturbators, cock rings, anal beads, cheap blow up dolls and other various cheap love toys I reached what they called the signature selection. These are the love dolls that go for over $500 and are usually molded from real porn stars, or the ass, mouth, pussy or tit molds of real people, these kinds of things. Basically it is the high end stuff.
Anyhow as i am perusing the goods I was to busy sticking my finger in one of the fake pussies through the “Feel Me” hole to notice right away, but I eventually come to a package that only has a pair of latex feet in it? Think about that for a minute. If you have a foot fetish and get your rocks off on feet, that’s fine, but the thing was actually called Little Piggies and was just a pair of rubber feet. Why would some one pay almost $200 for rubber feet. I am sure a hooker will let you jerk off on her feet for less than that, and it isn’t like you could catch a disease like you would if you were pounding one of her other orifices. Let’s face it man, if you are even considering purchasing rubber feet, you aren’t in a committed relationship so it isn’t like any one would even get mad at you for cuming on a prostitute’s feet. Not only that, it is just creepy to have a set of rubber feet sitting around.
So while I was trying to wrap my brain around all this I round the corner of the rack and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought I was in some strange new world. There were a selection of sex toys called “Filthy Animals”. I shit you not. You had your choice of an inflatable pig, cow, sheep, lamb, goat and perhaps worst of all…a duck!!!. It was called the “Fuck Duck”. I guess its bringin sexy quack. Now the duck was a little different because it was so much smaller than the other animals, so it came with two. One that had an open beak…for sliding in to…ew, and one with a closed beak for sliding in to you…really ew.
WHY WOULD ANYONE NEED A BARNYARD FUCK TOY?!?!?! I understand it might be funny to have a sex pig at a bachelor party to tease your friend, but you KNOW there are people that purchase these for private use. It really worries me that there are enough people to provide a consumer market for a business, and think of the poor “Fuck Duck”, especially the one that slides in to you. Poor little guy. If it can get any worse, all of the animals were made too look like they were all wearing lipstick.
Who does this?