Robot Jox…The REAL Ultimate Fighters!!!


Robot Jox was released in 1990 to little or no fan fare. The only reason I even knew this movie existed is because when I was a kid my parents had HBO. This was back when HBO still only had 6 movies, Two of which stared Christian Slater and another being The Net. I shit you not this movie came on at least six times a week and I watched it every time. I had it one tape until my tape finally wore out to the point it was unwatchable.

To say this movie is “bad” isn’t quite hitting the mark. This movie shit the bed so hard when it came out that it bankrupt Empire Films, the company responsible for it.Don’t let this fool you, just because the sum is a shitfest like none other, the individual parts are amazing and make it worth watching over and over again.

The film is set in a postapocalyptic world in which war has been outlawed. Instead, all conflicts between nations are resolved by one-on-one battles between giant robots, piloted by “jox”. the countries of the planet have been divided into two main opposing sides: the Market (good) and the Confederation (bad).

Stuart Gordon (the director, not two words that get toothless NASCAR fans in an uproar) Is responsible for directing such films as “Re-Animator”, and writing things like “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids”, so it wasn’t that it wasn’t in capable hands. Yes, the plot is lame, The Jox are being replaced by test tube babies who are genetically designed to be killers.

The main character is Achilles, a dude who just wants to wrap up this last fight and go home, but then he screwed up and killed a bunch of fellows in the crowd. Queue cheesy emotional music. He was so broken up by this he retires. He comes back however because some feminazi bitch that is hell bent on proving she is just as good as any man is getting her ass handed to her by some Russian guy that is trying WAY to hard to be Ivan Drago. Wait did I just describe three out of the four main characters.. yes I did, but who is the fourth? It’s Tex Conway, the lovable bastard in a Ten Gallon cowboy hat that speaks with a western accent and contributes absolutely nothing to the movie.

Some of my favorite scenes in this movie include a missile fist, a robots chainsaw penis, two giant robots achieving space flight with little propulsion at all, control of a giant robot all from a video game controller (Ghostbusters 2 I’m looking at you), the robots transforming into other things, a tank and a spider thing if I remember correctly, and Rip Torn. Except that Rip Torn wasn’t actually in this movie.

All in all there are some great things about this movie, and if you aren’t looking for a cinematic masterpiece it really is worth checking out. If nothing else it is a good time. The sequel “Robo Warriors” is a little bit of a different story, but still, if you have nothing to do then see it and laugh.

6 responses to “Robot Jox…The REAL Ultimate Fighters!!!

  1. I think I just crapped my pants, and it’s all because of you E. I watched this movie endlessly. I’m not sure why. I think I was trying to decide if I hated of loved it. Either way it controlled my life from ages 7-13. This movie was just another guilty pleasure for any kid who wanted to operate 3 story high death machines that mimic your movements as you control them high above the ground in the belly of these steel beasts. Infact I used to watch this movie while I played Earth Siege on my PC.

    If you’re not familiar with Metal Tech: EarthSiege I’ll clue you in. Basically it’s Mech Warrior but developed by Dynamix in 1994. Dynamix isn’t known for it’s amazing game developent but this was one of their larger titles. They also developed Starsiege: Tribes and Tribes 2 if anyone has ever played those. ES was basically the red headed step child to the Mech Warrior franchise. Dynamix, did however, make the first Mech Warrior but it wasn’t made popular and fun until Activision got there hands on it in 1995

    Basically this game consisted of roaming around a barren landscape from waypoint to waypoint in your HERCULAN (Humaniform-Emulation Roboticized Combat Unit with Leg-Articulated Navigation)or HERC for short, and destroying emeny Robots.

    Anyway, I used the movie and the game to live out my dream of building towering crush monsters. And as a young child I wanted to follow a career in robotics and actually construct on of the goliath war bots, unfortunately at around 14 or so I realized it would be basically impossible to accomplish and far too much work. I tihnk I’ll stick to watching the movie. and hey maybe I can get that old game to work too.

    Oh yeah, I still have a VHS copy of Robot Jox that plays if you want a copy.

  2. champkennedy

    Seeing as how I lioved with Maestro through his age of 7-13, RobotJox also consumed my life. My Dad had us watch this film, and we were hooked (especially Maestro). Even my dad got sick of it eventually, and he has the original Star Wars trilogy on a constant loop at our house.

    Your’re also right about “Robot Wars;” awful.

    If you want another classic film that is remembered as bad but is actually quite watchable you should check out “Planet of the Vampires.” Pretty good stuff for a vampires-in-space flick.

  3. Robot Jox makes me happy, I appreciate the offer of the VHS tape, but I just saw has a special edition dvd.

  4. I have six words for you two…
    The Ice Pirates and Solar Babies.

    Man all of these great crap titles combined with titles such as the Iron Eagle flicks and we could have a pretty good listing of the greatest worst movies of all time.

  5. champkennedy

    By the way, great response post, Maestro. You put your little heart into it.

    And your big belly.

  6. I hope I see a copy of Robot Jox in the 2 for $11 DVD bin at Wal Mart. Not only convenient but a fitting place for this cinema gem.

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