The EXPLODER! 2: Hawk’s Eye

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When we last left our hero, he had stopped the renegades from dilling in the bayou and saved the bar. Dalton Hawk took his woman back to his bad ass tree fort home and gave her the deep love injection while Fabulous Jack and the Slackers wailed on their guitars in the background. The next day when he awoke, after demanding oral pleasure from his woman he went out for a ride on his 22 foot chopper and wrestle an alligator.

When he got back to the bad ass tree fort, he found it was on fire and his woman had been murdered. Being the destroyer of civilizations that he was he started to look for her killers. He loaded his big rig up with his chopper and his gun, knife and ammo collection, slid on his leather pants, dawned his cowboy hat and hit the road searching for clues.

His travels brought him to little Tokyo in Detroit where he learned a clan of modern ninja had their base. The ninja had recently paid a visit to his bayou and he thought that seemed like a good shot. The only way to gain access to the ninja was to try and join their secret clan and learn their ways. To prove himself he had to fight in a no holds bared, last man standing, fight to the death tournament called Muderation!

After defeating the 350 pound: Lo Tak, and ripping out the heart of the Native American Eagle Claw, it was determined Dalton could join their ranks. After some serious investigation he learned that the modern ninja clan known as the Crimson Blackness of Shadow Tigers were only in the bayou to defend the Earth from their ultimate enemy…super assassin destroyer robots from the future known as KV5X 4000 Killbots.

Dalton vowed to use the ninja’s technology to go to the future and destroy the factory that produced the KV5X 4000 Killbots. The ninja master, Master Fong Wey told Dalton he wasn’t yet ready. After an epic 20 minute training montage set to music such as Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” and probably something from Faster Pussycat Dalton walks out of the dojo a new and improved version of himself. Dalton loads up his big rig, says farewell to his new friends and drives through the portal to the future.

He gets to the future and it is all dark and rainy with lots of wind and bad ass red lightning. Dalton learns that a single corporation has risen to take over the world and enslave people to build the Killbots.

He drives straight through the front door of the factory after cutting it with his uzi, just like the beginning of Tim Burton’s Batman and starts kicking ass. After a few minutes he realizes he is too outnumbered and retreats, but not before using his bazooka to destroy a big section of the factory.

He is followed by a chick named Lena played by Fergie, but Dalton knows when he is being followed. He doubles back and corners her. She throws a punch at him and pulls out a giant survival knife. Dalton rips off his shirt and says his trademark, “Step outta line, your ass is mine!!!”

A fight ensues, but in the course of the fight she explains to him that she is a member of the resistance movement that is rebelling against the corporation. Dalton agrees to follow her back to her base. He helps her stitch up the cut he gave her when they were fighting and they start showing each other their scars. They keep taking off more and more of their clothes until they are completely naked. Lena starts begging for the Hawk Kawk and he gives her the full package.

They pork like maniacs while some Pat Benatar music plays in the background. She makes all kinds of hot orgasm noises and twists her face up while he rocks her world. They move around and do it in the shower and on the table, then she tells him that he is the only man she has ever been with. He looks in to her eyes and tells her that he will always protect her.

That night the Killbots kidnap her and take her back to the factory. Dalton gets super pissed.

He goes through her base and finds she has a giant gun laden futuristic helicopter codenamed “The Hawk’s Eye.” Obviously this is fate. He gets in and flies to the factory. After blowing a bunch of shit from here to kingdom come the owner of the corporation comes up to the roof while holding Lena by the hair and signals Dalton to land. He lands on the roof to fight in some sick hand to hand combat shit and finds the owner…Max Deth! Max is played by Sir Anthony Hopkins (cg was used to give him a ripped physique ala Nick Cage in Ghostrider).

The two duke it out and drop witty one liners on each other left and right, then finally Dalton kicks Max Deth in the face so hard his head explodes like the Death Star at the end of the redone “A New Hope.” Dalton walks over to Lena and they do it on the roof in the rain. Jackyl ‘s “Lumberjack” starts playing in the background after Lena takes her shirt off and the credits start rolling.

That’s it, the end of The Exploder! 2: Hawk’s Eye

Dalton Hawk: The EXPLODER!
The EXPLODER! 3:Family Tradition
The EXPLODER! 4:Final-Countdown
The EXPLODER! Rides Again

The EXPLODER!: Out of Luck

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