He-Man: The Musical

Recently I have been thinking about all the things from my youth that I loved more and more. I guess it is because I long for a time when my day consisted of eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches and macaroni and cheese, and playing with my toys. Some of my all time favorite toys to play with were my He-Man figures and I would spend hours upon end playing with them. I had the bulk of the toys produced for the original He-Man line and I would spend my days engaged in epic combat across the living room floor.

I have such fond memories of this that I started recently to collect all the old He-Man comic books. Now I know if you ever watched the show as an adult you realized that He-Man was a flaming homosexual. Hell I have even written a few articles about that, but the comic was action packed and extremely well written. Even in the later seasons when the show turned to shit, the comic maintained.

Today I decided that I wanted to write a really long piece about how great He-Man and the Master of the Universe are and hopefully you will enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it. I knew I wanted to toss a comical aspect into it, but I wasn’t sure how. Finally I decided to combine the intensity of the comic book with the queerness of the show and have made…“He-Man: The Musical” !

As it is going to take me a long time to write from start to finish I will just continually update the over all piece until it is complete, so be sure to check it often. And now…


He-Man: The Musical

hemanmu.png

Act 1:

Chorus singing just off stage:

In a land…
That is so far a—–way
In a time
Not like our own
They battle for
Enternia
And Fight a
Man of bones.

Skele-tor
and his evil horde
would run wild
across the land
and the power
to stop them all
lie in just one man

Chorus:HE-MAN!

–House lights still dark–

Adam: I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull.
This is Cringer, my fearless friend.

Adam: Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic
sword and said:
“By the power of Greyskull”

Chorus: HE-MAN!

Adam:“I have the power!”

Adam: Cringer became the mighty Battle Cat.
And I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.

Adam: Only three others share this secret.
Our friends the Sorceress, Man at Arms and Orko.

Adam:Together we defend Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor.

Chorus:HE-MAN!

–Lights on stage come up and a mountain peak is revealed–

Narrator:On the tallest peak of the Planet Eternia’s mightiest mountain perched a watchful Master of the Universe, the winged one… Stratos.

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
I———– am the mighty mighty Stratos
I rule——– over Avion
The bird people and the Mystic Mountain
That is how I know I’m home.
I spend all day listening to the wind
I sit a——-top this mighty peak
Now stay so very quiet
You can he———-ar
a mad man speak

—A voice is heard echoing off stage—

Skeletor: I crave power! I was born to rule all of Eternia

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
I know that voice
I have no choice
I must go I must fly
I must fight, if I must
Die
This is what I have been training for.
I must stop the evil
Skeletor!

—Stratos begins a strange bird dance to indicate flying as the scenery changes behind him—

Narrator: Following the sound of the voice the Mighty Stratos was taken to Castle Grayskull. He-Man and the feindish Skeletor were locked in a gory battle.

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
You are no match for me
I am to strong, you are too weak
I will rule and you will serve
now give me that power
You don’t deserve

heman.jpg
He-Man:
You are corrupt
You’re evil inside
So full of hatered
So full of lies
You can’t be trusted with a power so great…

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
I’ll have the power!!! It is my fate!

Narrator: Skeletor swung his lightning weapon, but it was blasted from his hand by He-Man’s Battle Ram.

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
He-Man seems to have this battle in hand
He won’t need me
I can return my mountain home
where I can sit and think
Alone

—He-Man grabs Skeletor and tosses him—

heman.jpg
He-Man:
Skeletor Skeletor
You are such a fool
You can never defeat me as long
as I posses my Battle Ram

Skeletor Skeletor
you shall never rule
for my aromor increases my strength
I’m stronger than any man

Take that!
Take that!
Take that Skeletor!
Go away, go away, go away
I wish to deal with you…

NO—————– MORE———–!

—-Skeletor Lies on the ground as Merman approaches—-

merman.gif
Merman:
Are you o.k.
my liege
it looks as though you
have suffered some defeat
He will pay and pay dearly
that my lord I vow!

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
How? How? How?

merman.gif
Merman:
I Merman can help you
Help you beat He- Man
Pledge my alligience to you
To you and your plan
all I ask is to have
He-Man’s weapons as a reward
as my meek reward in the end

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
They are yours if, nay when we win!

Narrator: Having easily defeated Skeletor He-Man looks to the sky and sees his good friend Stratos<

>heman.jpg
He- Man:
Hark oh hark dear Stratos
I did not know, did not know, did not know
you were so near my friend
it has been so long since I have laid my eyes upon you
It is nice to see you again

—Merman and Skeletor return to the scene to fire on He-Man—

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
I am glad to hear your call
I shall rescue you from this fall
let us fly, fly
take to the sky
let us go to the great great blue
there is just a little wind to get through


—Stratos lifted the Battle Ram with He-Man in it and flew it saftly out of the way of Skeletor and Merman but unbeknownst to Stratos the wind pushed He- Man out of the Battle Ram and he fell to a mountain top.—

merman.gif
Merman:
Oh great Skeletor!

Well my lord
how to we get him
he’s on that mountain
but we can’t reach him
he’s unconcious man
we can beat him
but its so far to walk
Stratos might free him

fly in to the rescue
right on time
i gotta get there first
to capture that swine.

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
Hold on—–
I’ve got a plan
you need a faster way
to get to He- Man
Hold on—–
we can make this work
we need some transportation
so you can catch that jerk.

You don’t want to walk
so hey listen up
Will stop the next person
and rough em up
out this far they should have a mount
then i tie them up and you ride out

merman.gif
Merman:
Well I aint no complainer
that will work just fine
here comes some one now
yeah it’s go time

—-Teela rode her horse up the path as Skeletor and Merman hid behind a rock—-

merman.gif
Merman:
Come on girl
give up the horse
We’re gonne hurt ya
girl get off the horse
you don’t want any thing broken
or maybe even worse
You know we mean business
please don’t screw around
we won’t think twice about
taking you down

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
Its time you listened
and left the horse alone
cause now I’m gonna take it
take it for my own
no time to screw around
no time for all your slackin
get down off the horse and
silence all your yackin.

—Skeletor crashes his goat skull club into Teela’s head and Merman helps him tie her up—

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
You have your transportation now go after He-man
I’ll watch this beauty as you execute your plan
There’s no reason you should fail
don’t let me down
if some how you do screw up
I’ll bury you in the cold hard ground.

merman.gif
Merman:
Yes master, yes master
I will bring you He-Man
then I will get his weapons
like you said I can

teela.jpg
Teela:
The two of you
should just give up
the two of you
are not good enough
the two of you
won’t even win
the two of you
are both has beens
I may be tied up
but I have no fear
If I’m gone too long
Man-At Arms will be here.

—Merman rode off to the far mountain top—

Narrator: On top of the far off mountain where HE-MAN lie dazed but alive…

merman.gif
Merman:
His suit may give him super strength
but does it provide a force field
I will toss a rock at him so big
that he will never shield
crush his body, crush his bones
then I’ll make his suit
my own


—–Merman smashes HE-MAN and takes the armor—–

merman.gif
Merman:

Now HE-MAN you are unarmed
I have taken your strength
you can not cause me harm
I will take your Battle Ram
then come back to deal with you
and rid the world of HE-MAN

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Fiend
why have you crippled me
I have done nothing to you
come along and set me free
it may be so you defeated me
but you haven’t seen the last of me

—HE-MAN remains lying on the ground until Merman leaves the scene. HE-MAN jumps to his feat—

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Battle Cat, Battle Cat,
Battle Cat where are you at
Come to me swiftly
come with speed
so I may ride you like
a mighty steed
I must find Stratos
must form a plan
before the power
falls into Skeletor’s hand

—-HE-MAN leaped to the back of Battle Cat, Soon the beast was bounding obediently across the rugged terrain. Moments later they were rapidly approaching Eternia’s master of weapons,Man-At-Arms.—-

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
I need your help
The situation is grave

manatarms.jpg
Man- At Arms:
This I know
Poor Teela needs saved

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
I had no Idea
our trouble is two fold
who would do such a thing
who would be so cold

manatarms.jpg
Man-At-Arms:
I will join you in
this battle against evil but
you must help me rescue Teela
before our time is up

Narrator:
As HE-MAN explained Mer-Man’s plot Man- At-Arms climbed aboard his incredible Wind Raider. Soon they were on their way to Stratos’ mountain to stop Merman from capturing the Battle Ram. Soon they reach their destination.

—-Standing at the base of the mountain the two men are dwarfed by its size—-

manatarms.jpg
Man- At- Arms:
I fear that your Battle Cat
Would never survive the climb
it isn’t that he isn’t a mighty mount
but we should take this device of mine

It grants us the power of flight
to allow us to move in haste
and speed is of the essence here
as it is with any case

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
I must say I see your point old friend
And I can only say…agreed
Go back to your forest oh Battle Cat
This ascent must be made with a metal steed.

Narrator:
Meanwhile Merman found the Battle Ram and he pondered the weapons on it.

merman.gif
Merman:
Oh how I wonder
Oh what this button
will produce
Oh how it made that
laser gun fire
this I can certainly use
with this i can
easily conquer
HE-MAN and Skeletor
won’t have to be his servant
his servant
any more

Narrator: As Merman mastered the Battle Ram’s operation HE-MAN and Man- At- Arms raced up the rock face. Soon though the wind and the forces of gravity were slowing the pace of the Wind Raider.

>heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Even this metal steed has
trouble like my Battle Cat, Battle Cat
it has trouble climbing the mountain
and I fear that we
will be falling flat
If only I
had my super suit
I could carry us both
in our pursuit

manatarms.jpg
Man-At-Arms:
There is no need to
wish – such – things- my- friend
just give me a moment
science- will- prove- right- in – the- end
with a touch of the controls
watch my wings just roll
to level of in the air
hang on tight…the sudden speed
will get—– us—– there——-

Narrator:
Reaching the mountain’s summit HE-MAN and Man-At-Arms were greeted by a volley of deadly rays.

merman.gif
Merman:
I had not expected you
to follow me
i am too smart and cunning
a man of the sea
it is all
no matter now
for I shall destroy you both
let me show you how

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Look out, look out
Man-At-Arms
the weapons on the Battle Ram
Can bring us harm

>manatarms.jpg
Man- At- Arms:
Hey don’t
be so sure
I can make
some man eu vers
I’ll out fly those
Laser blasts
just hang on
we’ll be moving fast

Narrator: Taking the offensive, Man -At-Arms flew his machine directly at Merman and the Battle Ram, but Merman was able to fire the battering device

manatarms.jpg
Man-At-Arms:
Perhaps I was a bit to bold
now I have lost all control
seem to be falling down
toward that rocky ground
well at least my ship’s o.k.
HE-MAN save the day!

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Now we fight you scum
you’ve got no where to run
surviving this battle
can be only one
here amongst the clouds
this i must vow
you will not get away
now its time you pay

—–The aerial battle between the two machines raged on amongst the clouds with HE-MAN and Merman locked in mortal combat. Suddenly as if from no where, Stratos dropped from the sky—–

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
Merman—–
I will knock you senseless
Merman—–
I will leave you defenseless

—–Merman is knocked off the battle ram and Stratos gets on to control it—-

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Thank you my old friend
you’ve rescued me again
now we must save
my other friends

—HE-MAN and Stratos went back down the mountain to help man at arms to his feet. Soon the trio were on their way to rescue Teela. They arrive to find Skeletor guarding her as she is tied to a rock.—

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
Skeletor unhand her
you have no right to tie her down
she has done nothing to you
let her go before I cut you down
your skin may be blue
but your heart is black
never to be trusted
always on the attack

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
You describe me to a t
but that won’t change me
I’m a bad guy with a worse rep
the girl dies if you take another step
I have no problem
Ending her life
so just back off
Cause I have the knife

manatarms.jpg
Man-At-Arms:
Set my daughter free or I’ll kill you
you don’t want to die right here do you
I’ll stomp your yellow skull till I hear a squish
If I rip into you I’m never gonna quit

teela.jpg
Teela:
It isn’t worth it
just take him out

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
Quiet girl,
shut your mouth

—-Stratos dive bombs head first into Skeletor’s back—-

stratos.jpg
Stratos:
Take that
you filthly slime

heman.jpg
HE-MAN:
You won’t escape
this time

manatarms.jpg
Man-At-Arms:
Do you yield
for your actions today

teela.jpg
Teela:
I warned you
it would end this way

—Just then Beastman tosses a smoke bomb on to the scene from behind a rock—

beastman.jpg
Beastman:
Skeletor, skeletor
come with me
back to Snake Mountain
Back where you’re free
Skeletor, Skeletor
let’s make haste
quickly now, quickly now
so they can’t keep pace

skeletor.jpg
Skeletor:
This isn’t over
all be back
to kill you all
and that’s a fact
I will rule
all this land
and watch you die
HE-MAN

—-End of Act 1—-

4 responses to “He-Man: The Musical

  1. Dude that was killing me. I could hear the voice of each character singing the lines perfectly. Great idea and story.

  2. WOW, i am impressed. Bravo!

  3. awesome!!!!, lets do a fund-raiser to get it produced, surely the original cast will still be available!

  4. i agree Tom, lets do it!!!!

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