After seeing the amazing consumer response to alli, we here at Hey Stupid! have decided it is time to create our own wonder drug. Dr. E-Rokk PHD and Dr. Champ Kennedy PHD have just completed work on our new wonder drug. We are calling the pill STUPID!, and the marketing campaign will be Get STUPID!Originally we wanted the pill to be a safe diet pill but we almost gave up hope during testing. Apparently the pill has some unexpected side effects. To be quite honest the pill started off as just a capsule with a rare African tape worm in it, but we discovered that some of the filler products we put in caused people to get extreme diarrhea.
I can not stress enough how severe it is. A few of the test subjects actually began to hemorrhage greasy oily liquid shit out of their tear ducts. You read that correctly, They would cry shit…they would shit cry. After witnessing this horrible effect we decided to try and counteract it. Don’t ask why, but we added flint, tinder and kerosene to the mixture. Well this was apparently not the way to go.
The test subjects for the new formula would not only continue to weep and sob runny shit uncontrollably, but they began to fart sparks and poop flames. Well we quickly decided that assholes being set aflame, while very funny, might not be the best product to sell.
To try and absorb some of the incendiary ass mixture we added a mixture ground Ashwaganda root and Ginseng. Don’t ask why we didn’t just remove the offending chemicals, that is highly classified, but what I can tell you is male test subjects for STUPID! V3.0 experience erections lasting over 12 to 14 hours. This probably wouldn’t have been a problem but being that the shit crying, and ass blasting never stopped it didn’t have the result we were looking for. To further complicate things, we found that when the test subjects would sweat, the sweat was also flammable. This presented an interesting problem as people with the permaboner would try and “fix it” by…giving themselves a hand. They would generally not be able to stop the fecal matter leaking out of their colons, so they would begin to cry their gross poop tears and as they started to sweat the hand to man friction would cause their members to also burst into flame.
Well after closing up the lab and going home one night I decided to take a day off. Well doctor Champ came in, saw the current version of the drug and sent it in to the FDA for approval. Surprisingly enough it went right through.
I was completely convinced that it was never going to sell, it was pretty much just a firey shit erection poop tear causing tape worm, but Champ assured me it wouldn’t be a problem. He said all we have to do is put all of the effects right on the web page, but word them in such a way that people thin the effects are natural and the pill is working.
What follows is taken directly from the STUPID! website.
What to expect:
As a new user of STUPID! you may experience the following
- Gas with incendiary discharge,
- Constant, uncontrollable shitting
- Crying stinky feces tears.
- Penis spraining 14 hour erections that may also burst into flames
- Guaranteed public embarrassment from either a boner you will not be able to hide, shitting all over yourself and your friends or burning alive.
The active ingredient (rare African tape worm) will absorb most of the food that enters your body causing you to lose weight. As the ravaging apatite of the tape worm will never be satisfied, it may start to actually eat away at your body. You will know that this is the case because in addition to gas with incendiary discharge, constant, uncontrollable shitting, crying stinky feces tears, penis spraining 14 hour erections that may also burst into flames, guaranteed public embarrassment from either a boner you will not be able to hide, shitting all over yourself and your friends or burning alive, you may also experience bloody stool.
That isn’t to say there may be a little dried blood in your shit, it will be more like the scene in The Evil Dead 2 when Ash shoots his demon hand. Blood will flow forth from your fiery anus as if it is all of the mighty waters of the Hoover dam shooting out through your butt, only you know…blood.
Don’t bother changing your diet, or exercising as nothing…NOTHING will stop the tape worm. All you can really do is piss it off. We wouldn’t recommend that.
Pick a day to begin taking STUPID!, such as a weekend day…and NEVER plan on leaving your house…ever, as you will be stoned to death by passers by. With all the fire, shitting and erections they will probably think you are a biblical demon and treat you as such.
If you’re getting ready to travel…don’t. The tape worm HATES motion and will probably attempt to lodge itself in your brain and eat its way out your ear. Just be completely still. Hell being a lazy fuck is what made you fat in the first place isn’t it?
I would like to end the story by telling you, even with all of the effects it is flying off the shelves sooner than we can restock the stores. Champ and I are now Quadrillionaires and will be retiring to some place where it is legal to make sexual advancements toward high school girls…and their mothers.