The Gutte, The Gutta Cheese, Gutte Salute, Rootin’ Tootin it’s the Gutten…Steve Guttenberg.
So I know what you’re thinking…why in the HELL is Stevie G. our Kicker of Ass of the Week this week? I mean he didn’t win the Ultimate battle of the balls. Untru, he did beat out all of the other competitors, he just didn’t beat Snake…but then again, could you? You might think you could, but you’d be wrong…DEAD WRONG!
Even if he never took part in the Ultimate Battle of the Balls, Das Gutte has still been in To Race the Wind, Miracle on Ice, The Man Who Wasn’t There , The Day After,Police Academy,Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Cocoon,Bad Medicine,Police Academy 3: Back in Training,Short Circuit, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol,Amazon Women on the Moon,3 Men and a Baby, High Spirits, Cocoon: The Return, Don’t Tell Her It’s Me, 3 Men and a Little Lady and a slew of other cinematic gems. Hell with out Gutteylicious, there could have been no films made in the U.S.
Some people have said that all of Give a hoot don’t Pa-Gutte’s films were just cheesy 80’s schlock and that he has no chops as an actor sighting things like any project he was in between 1991 and 2007 but nay I say unto thee. If you need proof that the big G ruled the screen just look at the differences between the first four Police Academy movies and the last three. Total genius and total crap. There is no way Nick Lassard would ever be more of a slacker than Carey Mahoney!
All of THAT is reason enough for the GB 3000 to be Kicker of Ass of the Week this week, but he has gone further. Steve will be in a new film with Jessica Simpson where she will run around in military fatigues that cling just a little to well to her (she’s so god damn delicious I want to lick her like a popsicle right in front of her mom I don’t even care) body. So why does this make him KoAotWmaterial? Easy, this movie is going to be filled with actors so shitty that he will re-elevate himself to the status he enjoyed in his 83-85 period. It’ll be like when Travolta made his comeback in pulp fiction…only with the Gutte.