Hey E-Rokk!: 7/23/07

There are so many times people ask me for my sage-like advice, because lets face it I am wise beyond my years and a scholar for the ages. I am one of those people that doesn’t act like he is better than you, he just IS better than you. Anyhow, I have decided that rather than just pointing out all of the faults of the stupid for the intelligent to laugh at, that I would actually share some of my incomparable intelligence with people who write in.

Hey E-Rokk!

All my life I have been what you may consider…a nerd. Up until I was 24 I lived in my mom’s basement. I had the walls covered with movie posters, the floors were littered with books and accessories for role playing games, I only watched sci-fi, and I have on more than one occasion jerked off to Farscape. I have recently moved out of my mom’s basement, but I am still a nerd. The truth is I enjoy my nerdisim and don’t want to change that, I just want to know how to get laid! Can you help me?

Ralph N. Augusta, Georgia

Ralph, I say unto thee, behold! I too was/am a nerd, but I have discovered long ago the secret to getting as much hot ass as I could handle.

This one is easy. First of all I would like to say that I am tired of hearing Doctor Phil types go on and on about how complicated women are. How they are beautiful mysterious creatures. None of that is true.

Yes it is true that women play a bunch of head games, but don’t blame them. See in traditional society men would go out and gather food, protect the home and spread their seed, and women would make the home, raise the children and generally make sure that the cave was clean and the food was ready. Women today are just aimlessly wondering around looking for a man who has needs to fulfill. Their lives are pretty much boring with out a man to provide them direction and purpose. If you’re the biblical type then you believe that women even needed man to provide one of his ribs for them to live. So they need to do something to fill the void, hence the head games. If you just ignore all that stupid shit instead of playing into it then they will fall right in line.

Back to the original question though. If you want to impress a woman and win her heart there are a few simple steps.

Number 1: Don’t put up with her shit. She will flaunt her body and expect you to buy her free drinks. If you let her she will flirt with you then shut you down… if you let her, but squash that shit early on. Make sure she knows that at best she will be nothing more than another body in your harem and if she is lucky and works hard at pleasuring you she may one day have the opportunity to serve you as your primary woman. Not that you still won’t have others. Make sure she knows, you’re the man, you’re the king…you’re the boss.

Number 2: Make her look stupid. Women LOVE a man that is right, so ALWAYS be right. I can’t stress this enough. Women know they have much smaller brains that can’t handle complicated thought processes. All their brain is for is to process and create gossip, and keeping their pretty head from deflating. Be sure to point out how stupid she is in front of your friends, but more importantly her friends, and family.

Number 3: The third and final thing is the most important. Show her your cock. Now you can’t just whip out your flesh tube at any time, this could be inappropriate. Also if you do it to early she could think it was meant for another woman and then lose interest. Remember step 2, women have trouble figuring things out and have short attention spans. The best time for introducing her to Mr. Able Johnson is after a few questions. Ask her about herself, let her drone on for a few minutes and while she is in the middle of a sentence stand up and whip out the one eyed captain. She will fall head over heels in love with you. She may even bend over and suck your bulbous member right there, but don’t let her taste your seed yet, again too early will ruin the moment. Instead pop it in her eye. She will be so touched she will get emotional and start to cry.

Number 4: This one is just a bonus. As I have stated before, you really only need the first three, but just in case you need a little extra ammo to seal the deal and penetrate, you may want to begin flirting with her relatives. Moms, sisters, cousins, hell even female friends are acceptable. This shows her that not only can you get other women and that you want other women, but that the woman itself is so inconsequential that you wil litterally move on to the next available target. Besides, who knows, maybe they are a family of freaks and you can get your pecker dipped in all of them…at the same time.

And there you have it. The easy steps to winning over any woman.


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