Alright girls listen up because I am only going to say this once. Oh hell, you know as well as I do that I hate September 11th and all of the dumb shit that goes along with it. Now Tina, (and by Tina I mean anyone taking the time to read this) I know your all giddy and more excited than the time the high school quarterback asked you to the spring dance so you went out and bought pretty new pink panties because there are only 7 more shopping days until the big day, but much like that night there is going to be a lot of stuff that will make me sick to my stomach and people acting like they give a damn until the next day when the completely forget about it all over again.
Today is Labor Day (a holiday that people ACTUALLY give a damn about) and I am afraid to turn on my T.V. because I just KNOW I am going to start seeing commercials that say “Never forget” and others trying to sell me commemorative bullshit. The fact is, I don’t give a damn. I don’t give a shit that over 3000 people died six years ago. Truly I don’t. –am I an asshole because of this? The answer is no. I was an asshole long before G.W. got his gift wrapped excuse to continue daddy’s Middle Eastern vacation.
Not only do I not care about remembering this shit, I can’t believe it’s a fucking holiday. Why? I sure as fuck don’t get off work for it. Why not? Hell I bet if those poor saps that worked in the WTC had off work that day none of this would have happened, because really, isn’t all this “holiday” is about? I know I have ranted about this before, but really it’s about remembering people that went to work that day. The victims of the Oklahoma City Bombing don’t have their own holiday. Why the fuck not? Maybe because we would remember that it was two Americans that lit that fucker up and we would be reminded of what assholes we are.
Oh, but E-Rokk it’s about the “heroes”. The policemen and firemen that gave their lives. Guess what you motherfucker, they were just doing their jobs too. You really believe all that shit that they’re heroes because they were doing the jobs they signed up for? Fine. Tell me this, the father of one of my childhood friends was a fireman nearly all his life and three years ago he died doing his job in a fire. He was so badly burnt than when he was taken to the hospital (still barely alive and in indescribable pain at that point) that steam was pouring out of his mouth, nose eyes and probably other places. In other words he was so badly burnt his internal organs were vaporizing water. Why doesn’t he or any other firefighter that lost his life in the line of duty other than on one particular fucking day six years ago have a day of remembrance? Hell, if you really get your thong all in a bunch about policemen being heroes for just doing their job’s, the next time you get pulled over, and you know you will, either for speeding, dui, disobeying traffic laws or just trying to suck your boyfriend’s dick while YOU drive, smile at the cop while he writes you a ticket. Then once you have the fine that ruins your insurance, hop out, give him a big old hug and tell him he’s a hero for giving you a ticket because it’s his fucking job.
What’s the matter? Don’t think I am making valid points? Then how about this. Everyone goes on and on this time of year about how this is the event that changed the world for the new millennium. The truth is, at first I didn’t believe it. I thought it was just a clever marketing strategy, but the truth is that’s right on the money. Not because it took away our innocence, or because it showed the world that the previously untouchable continental U.S. was just as vulnerable as any place else in the world, but because it gave Emperor Palpatine-like power to all the WRONG people in government. Also because it meant that we can never EVER watch the news again with out 70 scroll bars on the top, bottom, left and right of the screen feeding you pointless information. On top of all that it means that the media has the power to make up a “war” for President Jr. to get involved in that he can claim we won at any point he wants, without actually pulling the troops out after the “victory” leaving them in the area for as long as he wants with no clear goal. You know like Vietnam only if Vietnam gave all the soldiers involved AIDS. If that isn’t enough, don’t forget that it hands corporations a silver platter on which they can shove their products up your ass and make you feel bad if you don’t buy them. Every god damned channel will have some stupid bullshit on about “the attacks” and all of the commercials will be about stuff that every “patriot” could use. If you try and rent a movie most places will have their feature shelf filled with documentaries, made for t..v. movies, or lame shit staring Nicholas Cage front and center.
Don’t forget, if you go into ANY store over the next week (other than Al Qaedamart) you are going to be overwhelmed with shitty yellow ribbon magnets, red, white and blue ribbon magnets, camouflage magnets, American Flags of all shapes and sizes, uber-patriotic t shirts, books, magazines and trinkets that you will just HAVE to buy.
It’s bad enough W made the day a fucking national holiday, it’s worse that greeting card companies tried to capitalize off of it, and it is down right Hitleriffic that it is becoming another consumer driven shopping holiday.
Patriot Day? Fuck you. We already have Memorial day. Oh wait that’s a made up holiday too. Oh you didn’t know? See all the major war related events that the U.S. was involved in had their own days of observance (think entrance into and Union victory in Civil War, entrance into and victory in WWI, entrance into WWII, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, Victory in Japan, Victory in Europe and Korea) until it was decided that all of the people who lost their lives actually defending freedom didn’t need their own days of remembrance and it wasn’t important enough that that died to give them individual holidays. If rolling it all into one ant calling it Memorial Day wasn’t enough then how about this? Originally Memorial Day was a fixed holiday (May 30<sup>th</sup> of every year) but then was changed to the last Monday in May every year just so the rest of us lazy fucks can have an extra 3 day weekend. This of course is all bullshit because most people don’t give a damn about all of the people that gave their lives, most of which were drafted into service against their will and fought and died anyway. Instead it’s become all about picnics that are really just a test run for the 4<sup>th</sup> of July and water bed sales.
If you are going to honor the “victims” and “heroes” of 9/11 bring back the real holidays too and actually know what you’re remembering. Read some history. Go down to the V.F.W. or the Amvets or the American Legion and talk to those old guys about how they fought for this country. Talk to them about how their brothers, cousins, friends and people they barely knew all died around them while they were trying to block out the fact that they had to kill some kid as young as they were on the other side of some line because he wore a different uniform. Those guys are the REAL patriots. And you probably just thought those were places with cheap beer.
Here’s an awesome turn of events. It seems that other than just the usual sea of stupidity that flows to my rantings intelligent, or at least well spoken people are noticing what I write. Click Here.
———Follow up follow up.
I thought a little more about this in the hours since I wrote it and had a few points I wanted to clarify. One, my closest friend in the world, my cousin Scott was working in the Pentagon when it was attacked. Two, my entire family is from Pennsylvania and I was living only about 30 mins from where United Flight 93 crashed. Three, I am not saying that policemen and firefighters aren’t heroes, but not all of them are. Some of them are just assholes who got the job. Think about it this way. If you take your car to get fixed and the guy fixing it gets crushed under the lift and dies doing his job, is he a hero? Probably not. Why then should the term “hero” be applied to every policemen and firefighter because a few went above and beyond?
Be sure to check out our other super fun 9/11 articles.