Alien Apocalypse- Who says American Cinema is Dead?

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In 2005 Bruce “Ash” Campbell teamed up with Josh Becker to bring to the Sci- Fi channel a movie called “Alien Apocalypse”. Who knew the effects it would truly have on humanity?

Josh Becker, or the Beckidy- Beck- Beckster as I like to call him, and Bruce Campbell started working together on Evil Dead where Beckidy- Beck- Beckster was a “miscellaneous crew member”, and continued their professional relationship through Evil Dead2 and Army of Darkness (in which he was a “Fake Shemp”) and on through out the Xena: Warrior Princess series. Then one day Beckidy- Beck- Beckster turns to Campbell and says something to the effect of “Feel like making some complete shit? I mean a REAL turd.”, and of course, Bruce looked down at his watch and responded with “Sure, Sam Raimi he didn’t need me for the next few years…so I am WIDE open.”

Now, before I go on, I want to clear up that I love Bruce Campbell in all the ways one straight man can love another straight man…and even a few of the gay ones. It was only after seeing this shitfes… movie for the thrid or fourth time that it was supposed to be god awful. I mean it had to be on purpose. There is no way Bruce would be in TWO movies that sucked as much as Bubba Ho-tep. Anyway, when I realized I had to view this movie as though it was SUPPOSED to suck, I truly realized its pure genius. Please… allow me to explain.

This movie was a made for tv flick that debuted on the Sci-Fi Channel not as a movie…but as an event. It is set in the not too distant future and is the story of astronauts that return to earth, but return 40 years later to find that the plaent has been taken over by giant bug like aliens. Bruce and his cohorts are promptly enslaved and hauld off to cut wood at a saw mill.

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Any way, after being at the sawmill of doom for awhile some shit goes down and the token black dude gets hauled off to talk to the bugs.

The bugs start bitching at him and in short he tells them “Eat me.”…Hilarity ensues.

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Soon after that the plot starts to show up. Apparently Bruce starts a resistance movement, the President joins up with him and they fight the bugs. Whatever. How could I let a little thing like a plot get in the way of a GREAT film like this one.

Here are some of my favorite Bruce Campbell lines from this flick.

1) Those bounty hunters are all fags. I can handle ’em.
2) Your stupidity is terminal. And now you’re cured.
3) Ok, ok, I get it, I’m a space man, thank you!
4) They’re here for wood?
5) Osteopathy is the study of slugs and their mating habits.
6) So you just hide here in your little valley and pray they don’t find you. That’s very brave.
7) Oh, knock it off, old man! I’m older than you anyway
8) I’m a sadist. Now drink it
9) Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.
10) Hey, Demsky? Are you two on the same bowling team?
11) They die just like anything else, just a little louder, and green shit comes out.
12) Catch you on the flip-flop
13) Hey, that’s Mister Great Healer to you.
14)You like wood so much, eat this!
15)Workshed (just kidding)

All in all this movie is lame and cheesy, but it still kicks a serious amount of as. It may not be an Evil Dead, or an Army of Darkness, or hell, even an episode of Brisco County Jr. but it is still pretty damn good. Be sure to check it out.

2 responses to “Alien Apocalypse- Who says American Cinema is Dead?

  1. I just got so hard reading this…. I grabbed my copy of If Chins Could Kill and Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way and promptly shot a big one halfway across the room! Come get Some!

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