Don’t cross the streams! or My love of the Ghostbusters.

I have to admit that when I set out to write this piece I knew I wanted to do a tribute to the Ghostbusters, but I wasn’t sure how. I attempted a book report format, and then a movie review and about a dozen other ways, but I was never happy with any of them. Now I have decided to just write a guide to everything I love about the Ghostbusters.

I suppose that first I will start with everything I love about the first movie.

How much of a slimeball Peter is.

Even though there is no question the Ray and Egon are definitely scientists with the ability to create “unlicensed nuclear accelerators” as well as all the other goodies the Ghostbusters played with, Peter always felt more like me in college. In other words, the guy who came up with great ideas but conned other people into doing the wet work so he could just sort of coast by. Hell, even Winston comes of as more of a scientist than Peter did and I am pretty sure that guy hung drywall for a living before joining the Ghostbusters. Not only does Peter convince Ray to mortgage the house his parent’s left him to fund the business, but he also tries to get into the pants of every female the come into contact with. I thoroughly belive that if drunk enough Pete would attempt to pork a ghost.

Ray Stantz will never get the girl.

Though there is no question for me that Egon is the bigger geek I truly believe poor ol’ Ray will never get the girl. It isn’t that I think he digs dudes, I just think he is one of those guys that is much happier trying to build a self winding watch completely out of macaroni rather than going on a date that might end up with him getting to second base. If Egon is more of the research and theory geek, Ray is definitely the geek that wants to test all of the practicalities of those theories. Every actor has a role that when you watch him in it you believe that is the actor just being themselves, and for me Dan Akroyd IS Ray Stantz. That isn’t to say he doesn’t do an amazing job in every role he gets, but to me this just felt like it was his natural state.

Egon packs heat.

Egon Spengler is without question the chief brain of the operation. Whether he is contemplating spoors being the food of the future or researching ancient Babylonian gods, Egon is always doing something that screams “I’ve never been laid” and you might think that…but you’d be mistaken. Sure, he doesn’t let on about it, but Janine knew. I am going to submit that not only is Egon a dirty freak that has probably invented strange new ways of getting off, but he probably packs a piece of lumber between his legs that is somewhere in the 18 to 24 inch range.

Winston Zeddmore gets no love.

I realize that Winston wasn’t a scientist and was just brought on to help carry the load, but lets face it, he is totally their bitch. Ernie Hudson doesn’t even get a mention on the cover of the box. Anyway, poor Winston always gets the shittiest of jobs like orally pleasuring the 9,000 year old dick of doom. Well, not really.

The Gadgets

The Proton Pack, from a fanboy standpoint is probably right up there with a Lightsaber when it comes to weapons we would love to have. Described by Egon as a nuclear accelerator, the proton pack emits a stream that is used to wrangle the ghosts into the ghost trap. What ever you do don’t cross the streams because that would be bad. In case you’re fuzzy on that whole good, bad thing Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

gtrap.jpg

The Ghost Trap is where the baddies reside once caught. I always thought it was kind of lame in design myself, but I guess you don’t need much more to trap a ghost.

Spectravision Goggels are required for seeing a ghost’s panties through their clothes.

pke.jpg

The PKE meter tells you if there’s ghosts around. It can also probably shine your shoes. Ha ha ha. You’ll see.

In the history of cool movie cars there are three that top the heap. The Batmobile, The Delorean Time Machine and the Ecto 1. Only the Ecto 1 will afford you the space to get laid in the back…think about it.

Zuul

Zuul the gatekeeper was a spirit that possessed Dana Barrett then awaited the arrival of the Keymaster. To be totally honest, The coolest thing about Zuul was that she was the catalyst for the arrival of Gozer.

Slimer

Slimer is probably the most memorable character from any movie ever. Slimer was an amorphis blob that would float around eating any discarded food he came across and stinking things up. He got his name from the fact that…well look at him, it was that or snot ball.

The appearance of Ron Jeremy

Right outside of the firehouse we get to see god ole hedgehog walking along. He was probably on his way to see the Ghostbusters because his cock got possessed and was ramming itself into any cheap slut it could find. Unfortunately the guys were too busy and poor Ron had to drop out of Seminary School and become a pornstar.

Janine Melnitz

Annie Potts as Janine Melnitz was probably responsible for more boners in 1984 than anyone else…at least among people that new binary. I won’t lie, she is without question the reason I find the “Secretary look” and redheads so hot.

Gozer

During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large, moving Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants, they chose a new form for him – that of a giant Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you. Gozer was a shapeshifting Babylonian (Sumerian)(Big Difference) god that first showed up chillin in Dana Barrett’s fridge, then reappeared on top of her building. At first she wanted to know if Ray was a god (btw if someone asks you if you’re a god you say yes) when he wasn’t she turned into the Staypuft Marshmallow Man and came to destroy them all.

One of my favorite characters from this movie that I am leaving out is Walter Peck. Sure he is a complete ass and does a great job fucking with the Ghostbusters, but Jack Hardemeyer was SOOOO much better at it.

I could go on and on with all of my favorite lines as well, but lets face it, that is pretty much anytime any of the Ghostbusters say anything at all. I will mention one though “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria.”

Onto Ghostbusters 2. I don’t care what any of you geeks and losers say, I feel that GB2 is FAR superior to the first one in almost every way.

In the course of writing this, I remembered that my good friend R0G over at I-Mockery already wrote a really good piece on GB so I am going to send you there first. Ten Things I Liked About Ghost Busters 2 .

O.k., so you’re back. I have a few things of my own to add now.

When the Ghostbusters are in court, one of the all time greatest dialogs takes place:
Louis: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don’t think it’s fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don’t blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

Another great scene is when the ghost train runs through Winston. The face he makes at the end is priceless.

One of RoG’s points I would like to expand on is the dancing toaster scene. Sure the toaster dancing is great, but I think a slightly funnier part is when Peter implicates that Ray made sweet sweet love to the slime.

STANTZ

We’re running tests to see if we can get an
equally strong positive reaction.

VENKMAN
What kind of tests?

STANTZ
(a little embarrassed)
Well, we sing to it, we talk to it, we say
supportive, nurturing things —

VENKMAN
You’re not sleeping with this stuff, are you?

The best part is the look that Egon shoots Peter confirming the fact that Ray has indeed slobbed his knob in the slime.

Well, that’s all for right now. I will be adding more to this later. My plans include a look at The Real Ghostbusters as well as Extreme Ghostbusters, The Ghostbusters Toys and of course all of the rumors about GB3.

In the meantime, check out some of these great resources.

Webplasma

Ghostbusters.net

GBProps

Protoncharging.com

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