The American Gladiators RETURN!!!

That’s right people. NBC Has confirmed they are relaunching the greatest competition television show EVER, The American Gladiators!!!

I would like to believe that this is in no small way due to the fact that I have been spreading the AG love for well over two years in articles such as “My unhealthy love of American Gladiators“, “Malibu, Turbo and Gemini: Where are they now? and of course “The American Gladiators’ Halloween” and causing quite the internet buzz while doing so.

—-UPDATE——-9/27/07

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As of the moment rumor has it that Terry Bolea a.k.a. Hollywood Hulk Hogan is at the top of N.B.C.’s list to host the new show.

Let me just express right now that if this happens I will physically explode in a mess of smiles semen and liquid shit. “Why?” You ask. Because, for as long as I have been an American Gladiators fan I have been a pro wrestling fan longer and like every child who grew up in the 80’s, liked wrestling and isn’t a douche, The Real American has always been fighting for the rights of every man. Hell, you could even do a remix of the old AG theme song and Hulk’s entrance music and have one bad ass theme song for the show.

The rumor isn’t actually that far fetched either. McMahon (owner of the WWE and therefore de facto owner of Hogan’s soul) has always had a good standing with NBC and still runs a wrestling special on the peacock from time to time. Even the XFL ran on NBC during its short life. Say anything you want about Vinnie Mac being an ass, or lowering the standards of what is acceptable on American television with violence and nudity, but the truth is the man is an innovator. He took over the WWF from his father and built it up from an obscure form of entertainment that was thought of on the same lines as lawn mower racing and turned it into a multi billion dollar brand. On top of all that the Gladiators and the WWE already have a history together. Former WWE talent Rico was a long running contestant and almost grand champion on the Gladiators before he came to the WWE.

Believe me when I tell you that if Hogan takes the job I probably won’t be able to write for HEY STUPID! any more as I will have died of a massive hard on/heart attack.

Be sure to check NBC for more details.

—-UPDATE——-10/4/07

HOLY….SHIT!!! Hogan is OFFICIALLY taking the helm of American Gladiators and my heart just exploded. I have to type quickly as will probably be dead soon. Craig Plestis, an NBC vice president, said in a news release. “For over 20 years he has been a symbol of strength and toughness in all facets of entertainment. His electrifying personality will no doubt inspire Herculean efforts from our everyday challengers. There is no one more qualified to host this program.” No shit Craig.

I’m not being rude here, but I said that in my last update. At any rate I can’t put into words how excited I am by all this. I will say that last night I spent four hours playing the American Gladiators video game for NES while listening to “I Am A Real American” on loop the entire time just to psych myself up for this. I guess the only real question now is will Hulk wear a suit, street clothes or his classic Hulk attire?

“The eight new gladiators [four men and four women] are action-adventure stars ready to take down the everyday challengers with hard knocks and explosive attitudes. Each challenger will also have a unique story to tell – and a compelling reason why they need to win.” Its about fucking time. Seriously, I am glad to see that people are finally starting to see that America doesn’t want stupid reality shows about washed up jobless assholes getting laid or losing weight, or worse yet living in a house together or surviving in pampered luxury on an island. We want carnage. If it were up to me this round of American Gladiators would undergo a few more changes. First of all, the Gladiators would be kept in cages and fed only steroids and a nutritional I.V. Second, they would only be permitted to see their loved ones if they one. Third, no matter what the contest it would be fought to the death, and finally, a cybernetic version of Gemini would be constructed with a joust pole for an arm and be used as the final test. Anyone who wasn’t decapitated by his super-human cybernetic strength got to “win”.

Who knows, maybe there will even be a cross over episode where all of the contestants are wrestlers. Maybe they can even get the Macho Man to come on and take on the Hulk. That is if he isn’t too busy with his rap career.

2007 is sure to be the greatest year of my life. First, my first child is born, and then American Gladiators returns with Hulkamania, and who knows, it might even be a little bit because of me.

For more info check the Baltimore Sun or This Guy.

Whatchoo gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on YOU, Gladiators?

2 responses to “The American Gladiators RETURN!!!

  1. Pingback: Stephen Colbert to run for president. « Hey Stupid!

  2. Pingback: The American Gladiators 2008 Premiere « Hey Stupid!

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