Dear Santa Part 3: Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Someone once told me that you have something to do with Christmas, but I am still unclear as to what. I know it’s your birthday and all, which must SUCK. I mean my cousin’s birthday is the day before Christmas and she always bitches about how she gets Jewed…oh sorry I forgot you’re Jewish, she always gets gyped (they don’t let those dirty gypsies into heaven do they?) out of presents so it must be really awful having a birthday on Christmas.

Anyway, the reason for my letter is because Santa Claus is a fat ass let down and has said that I am worse than naughty. I don’t feel that I have been though. I want you to know that I believe in you Jesus and that you fly around the world in one night walking on water and delivering loaves and fishes…fish…fishtapie…to children all over the world and this year I would like a Playstation 3 an XBOX 360 a Wii and some games for each one. I would also like a Kawasaki Vulcan 1600 Mean Streak, a case of Makers Mark, a case of Cabo Wabo, a case of Grand Marnier, a case of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, a Mitsubishi 73″ DLP Rear Projection HDTV, an Onkyo TX-NR100, 2 Polk RM7400T Speakers, a KEF 3-Way Center-Channel Speaker, Seinfeld Season 9, a couple hundred blank DVDs, an SG an Explorer, a Flying V, a PRS, a 1965 Buick Riviera with suicide doors, a Marshall 1959HW, 1960AHW, and 1960BHW Full Stack, Milfs, Jailbait, a new pc, a new G5, an LG Voyager and some new black cherry ostrich leg boots. and If you have room a new pair of leather pants.

Thanks a lot.

Your buddy,


See the letter from Santa

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