It was no surprise that the So What Party was standing united behind Fredward V. Duck and his running mate The Ultimate warrior, but what was surprising was the amount of Iowans who said they were behind the duck last night.
Fredward and The Ultimate Warrior. Ready to rule a nation!
As many of you may or may not know, last night (January 3rd, 2008) was the Iowa caucus. What this means is that a bunch of people from Iowa get together and stand in front of campaign signs all night to show their support for their candidate (except for Republicans who flat out hate standing). They do this because as we all know they are one of only two states that are allowed to vote (the other is New Hampshire. Wait. What? New Hampshire is a state? Jeez, I was totally unaware of that. I thought it was just a place ended up after a strange weekend of drinking. I learned something) and so of course all of the candidates plan out the next few years of their lives based on what happens there.
The So What party of course was not represented in Iowa because that would be far too confusing, but entrance polls showed that Fredward still had support. One GOP supporter said “My entire family really wishes that Fredward were allowed to be represented here tonight. The Republican party is just falling apart. When Duncan Hunter was here he said that traveling through Des Moines was like getting punched in the dick. Everyone knows it is more like a kidney punch than a man check, but that isn’t what’s important here. It’s like our party doesn’t really give a damn about us anymore”.
Things weren’t to different on the Democrat side either. Mary Winderham, a Democrat from Keokuk county said “We are flat out pissed at Biden and we hope that jack ass drops out of the race. He was here a couple of weeks ago getting a bite down at the Coal Creek Cafe and my sister’s husband’s cousin’s girlfriend’s sister is a waitress there and she said she overheard his say, “Who the fuck do these corn worshipers think they are? Caucuses are for cocksuckers. America’s Heartland my wrinkled white ass, this flyover country should be sold back to the French. You know why their license plates say IOWA on them? It means Idiots Out Wandering Around “.
Well Mary is probably extremely happy with the fact that Biden not only took a beating at the caucus, but has officially dropped out of the race all together.
While many people were shocked that Fred Thompson got more than two votes, or that Senator Obama is in the lead for the Democratic Party nomination, those in attendance went absolutely crazy when Fredward and The Ultimate Warrior made an appearance at one of the caucuses.
Fredward addressed the crowd with, “Now is a time when not just the citizens of Iowa, but the citizens of America are calling for a change, and I say, Why Not. It is time to rebuild our nation as a stronger, more unified country in which the goals of our citizens our met.” After his statements The Ultimate Warrior approached the mic and had this to say, “Only a few sunsets and sunrises since the return of the most awesome force in politics and things remain down and dirty and nasty all around. Still walking unaffected by the curse of vodoo, put upon us by the DEMONcrats and RePUKElicans. Now we walk and venture into the armpits of you, the Iwoa Voters… but what you do not realize, next week the curse shall be put upon YOU!”