American Gladiators: Day 2

So I have decided that my mission will be not so much one of delivering a play by play analysis as people can see that on the show, but rather one of bringing my expert opinion to the masses. What makes me an expert? Well, like most experts, its because I said I am.

Today we are going to touch on some of the competitors as I mentioned yesterday, but first, let’s take a look at some of the things that are bugging people about the new show. As usual I have my finger on the pulse of (or perhaps up the ass of) those who are the cutting edge of culture, and I am hearing that there are plenty of complaints about the new series.

Now at first, I gave the show a lot of slack, first because I knew there would be a lot of jack asses that would be holding this show to too high of a standard. Now listen, I know I am the first to wage war on things that rape my childhood memories like how I lashed out against the new Transformers and the new Alvin and the Chipmunks, but I loved the Gladiators so much that when I heard it was coming back I tried to approach it with high hopes and an open mind. I think I let it blind me a little.

Now I am not going to go as far as some people and claim that the entire show is scripted out like pro wrestling, I really do think the outcomes are determined by competition, but I do think the scripted interviews are ridiculous. I also hate that the competitors are allowed to talk so much. Maybe it is just me, but I have always been of the school of thought that the Gladiators were the focus of the show and the competitors were there to be wailed upon.

I n the new show it seems like all the male gladiators are heels, the women are neutral and the competitors are the underdog heroes. Last night I wanted to punch “Big Country” in the throat. How did he have a story for everything. “Oh yeah Hulk I am ready to climb the wall because my uncle used to try and give me the butt lovin and climbing over a wall was the only way to save my sweet anus.”

I will also admit that the constant camera changes was a bad idea. I get the fact that they are trying to make it appear as though it is over the top and action packed, but it gives me motion sickness. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t need to see every single time that a Gladiator or competitor changes a facial expression.

Now, beyond that, I am still o.k. with all the rest of the show. I think that it is still a good thing, and I hope NBC and the production company take some of the fans suggestions to heart and make the necessary changes because this show could go on to be even bigger than the first one.

Now without further ado, lets look at the Competitors and events.

Now I realize only a few competitors have been on T.V. so far, so I won’t do a point by point on them yet, that will come later, but lets take a look at the fact that these guys are pretty much all actors. I don’t mean that in the way that a lot of the AG conspiracy theorists do, but I mean that on the original series the competitors seemed like real people. Sure they were in much better shape than myself or anybody reading this is, but they still seemed like real people. The competitors today seem more like they are all trained on how to appear on screen and speak to the camera.

I get the argument that that the interviews and such are scripted so that the Gladiators don’t embarrass themselves on t.v., but they are all just a little too perfect. Then again maybe its just me.

On to the events.

Assault: This is the classic AG event and probably the most identifiable. I have to admit I am not the biggest fan of the new assault, it is alright and has the potential to be great. I think the stage needs to be bigger, the weapons need to be expanded upon and there needs to be a bit more time.

Earthquake: I hate this event. I was always a fan of Breakthrough and Conquer, and I had high hopes for this, but I was really disappointed. If the focus is going to be put on how much the stage gyrates and shakes, then that fucker should be swinging. On top of that, it is legal to grab onto the cables that suspend it to keep yourself from falling off. That’s lame.

Eliminator: I think overall, the modern eliminator is pretty decent. If I would recommend any changes it would be to have a penalty for the competitors that fall off the obstacles and to alternate the stages a little.

Gauntlet: Pretty lame. Lets admit it right now, this thing isn’t that cool. I don’t know if the path is too wide or the gladiators just suck, but it seems way too easy.

Hang Tough: This as well was a classic event, and a great one. So far the new version seems to be going alright, but I think I would rather see Skytrack.

Hit and Run: I dig this one a lot. I think it is a really cool event and wish it lasted a little longer. My only question is, if I am on the bridge and I see the ball coming at me can I jump on it, ride it out and back over the bridge, touch back down and still be legal?

Joust: This was my ALL TIME FAVORITE EVENT! I do like the fact that the element of falling in the water was added, but I think that the Gladiators being used thus far haven’t been doing the event justice.

Power Ball: Boy, they really dropped the ball in this one. I mean the barrels are huge. It is way to easy.

Pyramid: Cool. I like this. If it were up to me I would make it bigger and maybe add one or two more Gladiators.

Wall: I think this event was handled alright as well. My only thought on it is that it seemed like the safety cables of the gladiators were getting in the way of the competitor, but maybe it was just the camera angle.

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