The Return of Rambo.

Now I will be the first to admit that when I originally heard that Sly was making new Rambo and Rocky movies, I was not excited. However, now that I have had a chance to screen the latest Rambo installment I think I have changed my opinion.

I can’t say exactly how I was privy to this early viewing, lets just say Nick Fit knows some people that know some people that owe him favors.

So it was about 2:30 in the morning last night when Nick calls me from the HS vault. I must make clear that he calls me almost every night at this time, usually he is hammered and goes on about how much he loves me. However, last night the phone rang, I answered and Nick said “The rooster is in the hen house, repeat, the rooster is in the hen house”, then he hung up.

Not being sure what he meant by this I ran down to the garage, jumped into one of my many expensive automobiles and drove over to the HS compound. When I arrived I found Nick standing around in what can only be described as a home made thong with the word “Rambo” painted across the front in red paint.

In his hand he held two tickets to a preview screening of Rambo. We ran up the stairs to the roof and jumped into the HS helicopter to take us to the HS private airfield. We boarded the HS jet and soon we touched down in Hollywood. We were rushed by armored ambulance to a top secret theater where we had our senses tingled by the newest edition of Rambo.

I won’t go into great detail about this film as it hasn’t opened to the public yet, but I will say a little. The movie begins with John Rambo working as a river guide and refusing to fight. All around him civil war is taking place and some missionaries come to him to ask him to take them up the river to their destination since the road they normally take is covered in mines. At first he turns them down but eventually agrees. When they don’t return another guy comes along with a mercenary group to go in after them. Eventually Rambo is pulled into fighting.

This is where the movie takes off and starts to kick ass. Now plenty of people will probably disagree with me and say that it is too over the top and cheesy, but truth be told I think that was the best way to handle it. Action movies in general, and especially ones with older stars have gotten to the point that you have to go over the top to make them enjoyable. Look at Terminator 3 or even the latest Rocky to see what happens when these movies try to take themselves seriously. Now flip the coin and look at the most recent Due Hard flick. Sure it was cheesy, but I still really enjoyed it. Another example is the flick “Shoot Em Up”, the great part about that movie was how over the top it was and it didn’t take itself seriously.

So after the movie ends I planned on getting back on the jet and returning to the HSHQ, but nick had different ideas. As the clock approached 5 AM (pacific time) he informs me we are going to see Rambo himself. Apparently when Nick first moved to L.A. he worked as a gaffer on the movie “Oscar” and since he was one of rhe 3 people in the world that actually watched that movie he and Sly became friends.

We got into my Aston Martin DBS or as i like to call it, my west coast car and drove out to Sly’s place. Nick sent him a message on his Blackberry and let him know we were on our way. When we arrived he had a full line of Rambo merchandise waiting for us.

We joined Sly for breakfast then spent the next half hour talking with him (more on that interview later) before he had to leave to start his Rambo press tour. He invited us back out for the official premier and told us that he is interested in optioning the Exploder series for his next movie project. He said our goodbyes and parted ways.

We touched down back at our compound just before noon today and Nick and I decided to split a bottle of scotch. We had a long talk about how glad we were that there wasn’t going to be any more Schwarzenegger flicks. Jesus, just think if they did a new Last Action Hero or Commando.

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