I am deeply saddened today to report that not only did El Caliente El Guapo pass away this weekend, but Heath Ledger died today as well. Why must there be such merciless killing and slaughter of our great talent? What? Oh…you say he did it to himself by overdosing on cheap meds? Oh. Well I guess he wasn’t really that talented either. I mean he was in “A Night’s Tale”, oh yeah, and “The Brothers Grimm”. But c’mon, that movie was just all around awful.
I know, he played an ass cowboy in “Brokeback Mountain”, but was that really that much of a stretch for him? I mean he is, or rather WAS Australian, and I have always thought that there was something a little floozie about dudes from “Da-nan-da”.
Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Everybody (“errbody” for you Nelly fans) is wondering why he offed himself, but perhaps it is the fact that he was Australian. I mean don’t get me wrong, Australian ladies are among the hottest on the planet, but of all the English speaking countries out there Australian dudes are the lamest (unless of course you count English speaking Canadian dudes that support the rights of French speaking Canadian dudes). I mean, look just a little over a decade ago to when Michael Hutchence offed himself for no reason what so ever. His career much like that of Ledger’s had some spikes and quite a few more low points, but it was still strange for him to kill himself. Unless it was because he was Australian as well.
I will be completely honest, it wasn’t like I ever really had anything against the guy. Sure he was in some shitty movies, but I didn’t have to watch them. It wasn’t like he was an annoying celebrity that I had to hear about constantly and it wasn’t like just knowing that he was a live enraged me to the point of homicidal madness the way knowing that Freddie Prinze Jr. breathes the same air I do does, I just don’t see what the big deal was.
I was flipping through th channels at the media console in the Hey Stupid Headquarters when I came across a T.V. Guide channel “special report” (you know when they ass rape the memory of someone who just kicked off to make a buck) about Heath’s death, and they had the audacity to compare him to Kurt Cobain and James Dean. Lets face it, whether you dug his music or not, you can’t deny the fact that Kurt Cobain lead THE band that changed the face of non-pop music for ever. Also you can not deny the fact that James Dean WAS and for all intents and purposes still is the definition of cool. I’m sorry, I just don’t think he had that big of an impact.
I mean ten years from now if people (non-Australians) look back on him it will probably be the way we look back on Rick Springfield (who isn’t dead yet, but his career died years ago) and say, “I suppose he wasn’t that bad at what he did. Jesus, I didn’t know he was Australian”.
Oh well, I guess he can be on the Hey Stupid, “Look we died and no one would have noticed if it weren’t an otherwise slow news day” street team.