I heard someone cranking the song “Crazy Bitch” by Buttcherry (I know what they’re called, this is better). What bothered me about this was it wasn’t last year when this song was on the radio nonstop, it was today. Now I realize when this song was popular the only really people that gave a shit about it were the fat ass, drunken, muffin topping, dance whores that would yell “Oh shit, dis my song” to whatever song MTV tells them too that week, but the disturbing truth of the matter was that it was not a fat ass white girl with no education who was listening to the song, IT WAS A MAN!
What gets worse is it was a man driving a 1993 Chevy Lumina with a wing on the back. The car was painted red and had white and black flames on it. I had to blink and rub my eyes for a minute because when I saw the plastic Wal*Mart spinners I thought I was back in western Pennsylvania. Apparently this dude thought he was just the shit. He had a dirty ass NY Giants hat on turned sideways that looked like he found in the woods somewhere, and really thought he was a gang star gangsta.
Of course you know how this story has to end. I swerved my car in front of his, he slammed on his breaks and I jumped through my own windshield on to the hood of his car. I pulled him out of his shitty vehicle and knocked him out before illuminating his Lumina with a lighter and a bottle of whiskey. When he came too he was in the zoo being raped my Mr Jangles the Silverback Gorilla.
As he laid there screaming while blood shot out of his asshole with every deep thrust that Mr. Jangles made, I thought to myself, I wonder if Mr J. would like some mood music. I had a zoo keeper pump in “Crazy Bitch” as I laughed and laughed. Apparently Mr. J. didn’t like it as he instantly pulled off his love toys head and shat in it.