Cats I have Known and Named

In case you don’t know, Denton, Tx has a pretty nice little cat problem. The town is infested, like how those locusts were all over the place in that fuckin’ Bible story. Anyways, Your Literary Hero has of course encountered quite a few of these felines out and about, and especially around my apartment complex. There’s a bunch of buildings close together, and mostly full of students, so kids probably give them food all the time. Well, here is a short list of the cats I see on a regular basis:

Bear – Bear is huge and orange and whines a lot in addition to destroying everything he can fit in his enormous mouth. He is very sensative, very, pushy and bullies every cat around. He is one of Thea’s cats that I am watching in my apartment until she can take them again. She obviously named him. The general consensus is that you either hate Bear’s guts or else think he’s the best cat on Earth.

Ima – This is the other of Thea’s official cats that is currently living out an exile in my apartment. She is black and quiet and keeps to herself. Thea named her.

Buddy – Buddy is the outdoor cat that basically has a foot and a half in the grave because he is 700 years old. She decided to start feeding him all the time, and pretty soon he was basically her cat. Well, it has been extremely cold at night lately, so I started bringing him inside, and now he is basically an indoor cat. He keeps to himself and causes no problems. Thea also named him.

Little Kid – He/She is an outdoor cat that I see all the time at night. I’m not a fag or anything, but Little Kid is maybe the prettiest cat I’ve ever seen. “It” is dark gray and copper, and I don’t know what the species is, but his/her face is real straight, like pictures you see of Egyptian cats. Not Persian though. I of course named the cat Little Kid. I’m probably going to take Little Kid once the other 3 cats are out of here.

Doctor Sullivan – He is smaller and orange and white and hates people real bad. There is no reason why he is named Doctor Sullivan, it’s the first thing I thought of.

Dracula – Dracula does not run or walk, he hovers across the concrete like a fuckin’ bat. He is totally black and has very pointed ears, and his fur looks like it hangs over him like a cape. I guess he’s more of a ‘Batman’, but the pointy ears reminded me of teeth when also seen with the black ‘cape’. Dracula also hates people, but I am confident he drinks blood.

Kitten McGee – I have never actually seen Kitten McGee, but he is apparently one of the 500 outdoor cats that Thea became pals with when her and I split up and she had no friends because she’s a loser.

Archie – Small orange cat that I saw one time, then disappeared.

Henry – Giant black cat that showed up about once every two weeks in the neighborhood.

Frostbite – This is the new white cat I have been seeing next door lately.

Tabby Tabs – The big-headed, small-bodied cat that was pals with Buddy for awhile. Thea named it this, I had nothing to do with it.

Phantom Cat – This is the cat that I probably told you about. On two seperate occasions within about 3 months, I was hearing this cat and it sounded like it was actually inside my apartment, within arms reach. The one time I heard it, I jumped up and bolted outside and there was of course nothing there. Which leads me to the conclusion that my apartment is haunted.

I’m gay. I also just realized that Trish is about the only person who will give one rat’s ass about this post.

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