Non-Alcoholic Cans Shrewn All Over the Parking Lot.

On a cold, Texan night, I find comfort in seeing a cardboard box laying along the road with a Budweiser logo on it. I often walk over to it and point at it with both hands and say: “This is where the parties take place. Right here, at ground zero. This is the exact spot where a couple of assholes decided it was time to have a fucking party. It’s fuckin’ party time, that’s what they said.” It is almost acceptable policy to throw your empty cans out into the world for everyone to see. However… I have a problem with non-alcoholic beer cans being thrown all over the goddamn place. When you forfeit the alcohol, you forfeit all badass-points you get for throwing a beer can out of a moving car. Not only are you a bitch because you can’t control your alcohol and you gotta drink NA beer, you’re an even bigger bitch for trying to be cool and littering with fake beer. You are the same as the kids that shop at Hot Topic. You are no better than Quiet Riot filling those whiskey bottles with iced tea and chugging them on stage.

Thank you and good day, sir.

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