Propolene.

Disclaimer: I honestly do not hate all fat people. I hate fat people who bitch about being fat. If you wanna be fat, be fat. If you like food, eat, man. If that’s your thing, go for it. But if you sit there and bury yourself if your tears and cholestoral because you’re fat, and then continue to eat a half-gallon of Hagan Daas for supper, sleep in Hell plz thnx.

You may have seen the commercials for this new diet pill called Propolene. Fat sons-a-bitches everywhere are right now pounding the telephone digits with their greasy little sausage fingers. The pill claims to simply take the fat away. My alternative for you fatties is the common flamethrower. The testimonials on the commercial are of people who claim that they ate whatever they wanted, just like they did to get fat, and the weight just magically disappeared. I’m not stupid enough to think that science isn’t going to get to that point, but this obviously a little far-fetched right now. So basically, if you are a fat piece of shit that doesn’t have the willpower to say “no” to that evil Snickers monster that lives in your fucking cupboard, you can now just eat Snickers all day and still lose weight. Flush everything down the toilet that forced companies to make their foods healthier, because now it doesn’t matter anymore. Hot-fudge will be genetically graphed onto the sides of cattle in place of meat. Instead of chicken, we will get animals covered in strawberry ice cream. Corn farmers everywhere are already changing their field rotation patterns to better utilize the soil for next year’s cake-cob harvest. Why even promote a healthy lifestyle if you can just eat boxes of sugar all day and still be able to post pictures of yourself on MySpace with nothing over your aeriolas except a string of dental floss? Forget working-out. That takes too much willpower to drive to the gym and walk on a treadmill for 35 minutes. It is clearly too much work for you to stand in place and do squats and lunges for 20 seconds. Why use the effort to walk to the post office when you can drive 50 feet? You no longer need to worry about all that icky sweat you get when you have to burn the sugar calories out of your body because you sat in one stationary position for 8 hours eating handfulls of gummy candy. Having the willpower to acknowledge you are fat because of your own volition, and therefore you go to the gym and make the decision to stop the hate on your body and to get in shape, is a major self-esteem booster and will help get you places in life.

Willpower to do things is a major part of your character. As well as a requirement for dating Brom Bones.

I don’t mean for this next part to be as melodramatic as it sounds…

Being from back in the steel and mining towns of the Appalachians, I know of the stories my grandparents told of the Depression and the ridiculous amount of unregulated labor that those people had to deal with to make a penny. My grandfather developed black lung and died because he had the responsibility of feeding his family. My other grandfather sweated his ass off at Bethlem Steel his whole life to make a buck, after serving well in the Pacific. My mother deals with idiot administrators who do not want a kid to fail, and actively tell teachers to pass them along. This is in addition to asshole children on a daily basis, who get worse every year because parents have no control anymore and pass the buck or turn their cheek, and she’s never once smacked a kid or gone ape-shit. My dad works for Conrail and swung a sledgehammer for 25 years working on the same types of hard-labor rail-gangs Springsteen talked about, from his growing up in New Jersey. Many of my uncles served military tours and moved to Detroit and Cleveland to make a dollar in car plants where the work was both grueling and wholly unrewarding. This is a labor and mindset I will probably never fully know. These people had the willpower to get done what they had to do, they didn’t cop out, and they are better, stronger people because of it. They took it on the fucking chin, every day for 50 years. My friends have relatives in the same situation, and all of us take shit for granted. If I get 40f the willpower my relatives had to endure, through things like manual labor, I’ll die a self-proclaimed complete man. There is absolutely a laziness in this country that rivals that of the attitude of the older Germans who rebuilt their country with their bare-hands after WW2, looking at their kids who have no real care in the world, no sense of any of it. We are the laziest motherfuckers in the world and it makes me sick to my stomach because it gets worse everyday, everyday gets a little more easier for this shit to continue.

Being in Texas, I see all infrastructure being built on the backs of Blacks, and especially Mexicans. Many of them are getting paid under the table because they aren’t even supposed to be here. They took the inititive to better themselves and risked life and limb to come here for a better life for themselves and their families, many making less than minimum wage to work in the United States, doing labor that lazy Americans don’t want to do. Who is to say these people don’t deserve to be here? Maybe they deserve to be here even more than some Whites do. Just a thought, at the moment.

I love my country to death, but the people in it make me want to blow my fucking head off.

I eagerly anticipate the day Propolene is sued by a skinny man who had a massive heart attack, stating that the pills basically lied to him. They made him skinny but didn’t take away the clogs in his heart. He’ll probably win.

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