The Emergency Room kicks ass

Not to be confused with “I gotta fuckin hole in my mouth”

So I started doing the Nike Air Flight workout again, and low and behold, 15 minutes into it on the first day, Your Literary Hero goes down with a back injury. Being that I constantly injure the lower, left side of my back, I finally decided that, since I am still fully covered on my father’s health insurance until age 25, I’d go make sure it wasn’t anything more than me pulling the same muscle repeatedly. This time however was way worse than the others, and I could not walk Thursday hardly at all.

So I stagger into the ER for the first time in my life. I am expecting to be there for hours on end, because I’d heard all of your stories about bad service and long waits in the ER’s. They immediately call my name: “Maestro?” I get up and stumble into some exam room, where an very mean woman grills me about past medical history. Maybe it was because she was mean, I dunno, but the questions seemed to take a good while and she was approaching borderline “Gestapo”. So then I go back out to the waiting room and slowly realize that the quick initial service is just a ploy to keep you optimistic. I proceed to sit for approximately one hour. They call my name again: “Decibel?” I now go into the back and sit in some exam room with the world’s tiniest television. Luckily, I was able to catch the second hour of Smackdown, which was not interesting but at least held my attention. For a half an hour. Then the doctor comes in, tells me to stand up, bend over, touches my back for one second, and tells me I have muscle spasms. I shit you not, she was there for less than 30 seconds. I explain to her that this is a reoccuring problem, and even though it hurt pretty bad, I only came in to the ER to make sure there weren’t bigger problems than the present pain. She just nodded and left. Twenty minutes later they took my insurance info, gave me a prescription that I was told was no better than over the counter painkillers, and I was sent off into the world again.

Almost 2 hours, saw the doctor for 30 seconds, nothing came of any of it.

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