****taken from a bit written Friday March the 18th, 2005****
You may find yourself in a position where you are asking these questions:
1. Who is Kevin Sullivan?
2. Why today, Maestro?
I will now answer your questions:
1. Kevin Sullivan is The Taskmaster.
2. Why NOT today?
Kevin Sullivan is the greatest man that has ever lived. He is one of the best professional wrestlers of all time and it’s a goddamn cryin’ shame that he doesn’t have an entire day dedicated to him on a calendar. The Taskmaster is famous for many, many things in the world of pro-wrestling.
First off, Kevin Sullivan was a major player in the very excellent WCW stable known as “The Dungeon of Doom”. World Championship Wrestling was notorious for characters that were less than spectacular. In fact, you might go as far as to call them GAY. The Dungeon of Doom was created to kill Hulk Hogan. Now, let me explain this real quick. Hogan wrestled in the WWF for many, many years, and that’s probably where you remember him from. But Hogan had a stint in the WCW pre-nWo days, and it was not too good, to say the least. When Hogan was in the WWF, every person he feuded with all claimed they were going to kill Hulkamania. The same happened when he jumped to WCW. Many, many, many, many wrestlers far better than The Dungeon of Doom all failed to destroy Hulkster. So when WCW threw together this supernatural group of wrestling dumbasses, it was quite the spectacle. Believe that Kevin Sullivan was part of it. Sullivan has a lengthy past of dragging evil, demonic forces into professional wrestling, and I have video evidence of him using black magic (and the potential of using it) to strike fear into Dusty Rhodes way back in the early 80’s in NWA-Florida.
Kevin Sullivan’s finishing move was the Tree of Woe. What he would do is tie his opponent upside down in the turnbuckes and then run at them from across the ring and either knee them real hard or else just collide into them. I forget which. Either way, the result was painful defeat.
Kevin Sullivan was involved in a very strange situation with fellow WCW wrestler, upstart Chris Benoit, who would eventually jump to the WWF and win the World Heavyweight Title at last year’s WrestleMania. The whole weirdo predicament (sp?) came about over a female valet who went by the very clever name of WOMAN. Woman was… strangely hot, but… not really. I don’t knwo where I satnd on Woman, evern 15 years later. I am pretty sure Sullivan and Woman were married, or at least together in a relationship (what a relationship with Kevin Sullivan was like, I can’t even imagine). The story goes that Woman and Benoit hooked up, and Benoit basically stole her from Kevin Sullivan. At the time, Sullivan was either writing material for WCW or else just had tremendous political sway backstage. Either way, he did everything possible to make sure Chris Benoit, who is a very good wrestler, didn’t get a chance to excel in wrestling. If anybody knows any more to this story, tell me, because I think there were death threats involved as well, but I can’t really remember.
Today is Kevin Sullivan Appreciation Day. Watch an old tape, build a statue, worship Satan like he’d appreciate. Keep The Taskmaster close to your heart on this Friday March the 18th, 2005.