9 out of 10 Decibels Agree that Scientology is Insane.

There is so much intensity emitting from legendary men, that sometimes when they speak you just have got to pay attention. Well, fellas, that’s what happened to me one warm Euless evening when Scientology scholar John Wolcott told the tales of Scientology around a dimly lit campfire with weenies roasting over an open flame. Maybe it was more like artificial lighting in Noah’s living room and instead of weenies it was a Subway sandwich and peanut butter cookies.


When not deep in research, John Wolcott dazzles with his beautiful fingertips.

“It is written in the ancient scrolls that Xenu is coming back here one day to say the 12 prophets and then the revelations will be complete,” said Master John while we all listened closely. Then he broke from his train of thought and said this:

I went home with my head swimming in tales of 20-foot John Travolta stomping around chasing Barry Pepper. I was admittedly and bashfully fascinated by this L. Ron Hubbard. I quickly found myself ensconced in deep study of these fascinating extraterrestrials. I was encompassed by the Scientologists and their way of tricking people into taking “free stress tests”. I was once almost a victim of this stress test, not so long ago. I will not go into detail into what transpired during those hot, Tampa nights over a year and a half ago, but I will say that they were hot and indeed in Tampa. And the Scientologists, they are hungry for the fire and the knowledge and then the fire again.

Little sense is made in such blogs as this. Battlefield Earth is real and my own studies show that L. Ron Hubbard is indeed Old Mother Hubbard in disguise. Many celebrities donate money to the Church of Scientology, in hopes that when Xenu comes back, he won’t do what he did last time:

“…one episode revealed to those who reach OT level III is the story of Xenu (sometimes Xemu), introduced as an alien ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy.” According to this story, 75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today. Hubbard called these clustered spirits “Body Thetans,” and advanced-level Scientologists place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects.”

That’s the realest shit I ever heard.

Or maybe this is:

“…former Scientologist Maureen Bolstad noted that a couple of dozen Scientologists including herself were put to work on a rainy night through dawn planting grass in order “to help Tom impress Nicole.” ”

Had enough? How about this:

“Andre Tabayoyon, a former Scientologist and Sea Org staffer, testified in a 1994 affidavit that money from non-profit Scientology organizations and labor from those organizations (including the Rehabilitation Project Force) had gone to provide special facilities for Scientology celebrities, which were not available to other Scientologists. “A Sea Org staffer was taken along to do personal cooking for Tom Cruise and Miscavige at the expense of Scientology non-profit religious organizations. This left only 3 cooks at [Gold Base] to cook for 800 people three times a day. . . . Apartment cottages were built for the use of John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Edgar Winter, Priscilla Presley and other Scientology celebrities who are carefully prevented from finding out the real truth about the Scientology organization. . . . Miscavige decided to redo the meadow in beautiful flowers; tens of thousands of dollars were spent on the project so that Cruise and Kidman could romp there. However, Miscavige inspected the project and didn’t like it. So the whole meadow was plowed up, destroyed, replowed and sown with plain grass.”

Let’s ask Tom if Xenu is on his way.

There you have it.

There is only one man who can stop Xenu from coming back in his US army bomber and taking over Earth, and that man is Ricky The Dragon Steamboat.

Now YOU TOO are an expert on Scientology.

2 responses to “9 out of 10 Decibels Agree that Scientology is Insane.

  1. Pingback: 9 out of 10 Decibels Agree that Scientology is Insane.

  2. That is some whacked out shit.

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