The Foxy Adventure: Part One

I remember it as if it were yesterday, I was living in a shitty apartment above a dry goods store/news stand. I awoke face down in a dried puddle of my own drool lying on a cold hardwood floor. They weren’t nice hard wood floors either. They were old slat style and they were splintered and uneven…but I digress.

The sun was more than unwelcome as it crept in through the windows. I had covered the windows months ago with old t-shirts, but there were still cracks for the brightness to shine in. I knew I was awake but I didn’t want to acknowledge  the fact yet. As I lay there trying to avoid moving too much I came to the strange realization that I was wearing only a pair of tighty whiteys.

It wasn’t strange that I was passed out in a room nearly naked, usually I wake up in stranger places with less clothing on, what bothered me was that I didn’t even own a pair of tighty whiteys let alone would I ever decide to wear them under my own volition. This was a mystery that needed to be solved, who did they belong to and why was I wearing them but alas it was a mystey that could wait.

I managed to push myself up off the floor, my bare skin sticking to it in places, but after a good (or bad) two minutes I did finally get up. I rubbed my face and glanced around to take stock of my surroundings. Stratt was asleep on the pee couch, the JaGe was crashed out on the Futon and someone I didn’t recognize was in the egg chair. Of all the furniture in my shitty apartment, the pee couch was the most fabled and therefore disgusting. It was green, it was velor, it had no legs, and as the name implies it was urinated upon.

I stretched a little and picked up a cigarette off the coffee table. I took that first delicious drag and moved slowly into the kitchen. I stood there leaning on the sink and looking out the window. I needed to determine if I wanted to shower or eat first. As I took another drag the booze headache began to overtake me. I filled a glass with some tap water and downed it, took another drag and downed another glass. I decided to shower first.

I walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower and decided to take a shit while the water warmed up. After a good BM I tossed my cigarette into the shitter and got in the shower. When I got out I realized that on the ass of the underwear I woke up in someone wrote “Foxy” in purple magic marker.

One response to “The Foxy Adventure: Part One

  1. Bigus Dickus

    Give up writing. I know it’s supposed to be stupid but geez, I lost braincells reading this shit.

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