Wikipedophile: Switch Blade

Switch Blade

swopesing

Robert Blade (born June 1, 1972 in Beaverdale, PA), better known as Switch Blade, is a Hard rock and Heavy Metal singer for the rock bands SNYDER and Amber and the Bum Rushers

Robert Blade was born with the rare disease Imapussyandadipshitimentia. The disease caused him to have constant dandruff, emanate a stink like a rotten limb, have a lazy eye which required a patch and always “look like he just shit himself”. Luckily a team of doctors in the Netherlands found a cure for the disease when Robert was 15 and he was able to live an otherwise normal life.

Amber and the Bum Rushers

In 1988 Robert moved to Columbus, Ohio where he joined the band Amber and the Bum Rushers as the lead guitarist and back up vocalist. AATBR started touring nationally and after months on the road Robert and Amber fell in love. Unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be and in 1991 she revealed to Robert that she was a “Big, BIG dike who didn’t even like KISS or Queensryche or Crue.”. Taking the advice of a friend Robert decided to audition for the lead singer spot in SNYDER after the exit of King Dut.

With SNYDER

Robert got the gig and decided to take the name Switch Blade. The band went on tour and began recording a concept album, “Youth In Asia”, but due to a long drawn out legal battle the album was shelved and that line up of the band was dissolved in 1996.

Personal Life

After his time in SNYDER it is thought that Blade went back to his home town and tried to start a band but was unable to find any other musicians to work with him. Having nothing better to do he bought a dirt bike and started practicing for the Beaverdale Hill Climb. He made on run at the hill in 1998 but his motorcycle caught fire and he rolled down the hill engulfed in a ball o’ flame. He survived the accident and was transported to the hospital. Two days later he checked himself out, scared and disfigured and was never seen or heard from again.

It is rumored, at least by one local, that he is “Livim’ up ere on da boonie pie, savivin off a da raccoons and da birdies and such. I heard twice a month he slinks down inta town and hangs out in da shadows waitin ta find a stray cat ta have sex with”.

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