Wikipedophile: Pant Like A Dog

pantlikeadog

Pant Like A Dog  is the second studio album by American hard rock band SNYDER. Released in 1984, it showed a slightly different musical direction, perhaps of new guitarist Nasty, a more metal direction. As of August 2009, the album has been certified diamond (plus 18x platinum) by the RIAA,[2] accumulating worldwide sales in excess of thirty-three million as of July 2009.[3]

Origins

Just before the start of the Japanese and Australian tour founding lead guitarist Bodie Mann was fired from the band. His replacement would be Nasty, a guitarist and porno collector from Texas with a long history of playing in metal bands or at least, pretending too.

Since 90% of the songs for the album were written while on the road the album reflects more on the “rock and roll” life style. Songs such as “IHOP” and “The Tight Stuff” showcase the rampant and devious sex parties the group became known for while songs like “Its 4AM, Where’s My Bicycle?” and “Whiskey Dicked” bring to light the unworldly amount of liquor the band consumed.

Turbo, Nasty and Groz actually wrote most of the music and lyrics to this album while Dut would come in, change a couple of words, drink a fifth of vodka, have sex with an ugly prostitue and then take a writing credit.

Track Listing

Down at the IHOP (International House of Pussy)

The first track on the album, IHOP was also the first single put out to promote the album. Rolling Stonecalled the song “Oversexed, Underthought and obviously written by someone who’s never had sex”, yet still ranked it one of the best songs of 1984 one year later.

With lyrics like, “Well the blacker the berry, they say the sweeter the juice, and all the little asian girls you, you know they’re loose. I love the pink tacos of the Mexican chicks and Polish girls really love my dick. Indian broads, the do or the feather, doesn’t really matter it don’t get no better” and mind melting guitar riffs from both Turbo and Nasty this song is everything an 80’s metal song should be and more.

Alabama Slammer!

Rumor has it that this song was originally written for the Smokey and the Bandit 3 soundtrack but the band refused to let them use it after they saw how shitty the movie was. 

If the theme from Shaft had been written by a bunch of white dudes drunk on SoCo and high on a mountain of cocaine, this is what it would sound like. In a later interview Dut was quoted as saying, “I didn’t know what the hell this shit was. I mean, I got into the booth, heard the music and my pelvis started pulsating like I was butt fucking some girl who’s face I didn’t want to see.  They had some kind of lyrics for me about, I dunno, dancing or sleeping or some bullshit, I wrote new lyrics that kicked ass”.

Number on the Wall

This track starts off with a thundering drum solo by the track’s writer Cimba. The solo eventually breaks down into a steady beat where Groz starts laying down a disco-esquegroove on the bass. Turbo and Nasty come in full force with a dual octave lead which ends when Dut starts delivering a wail from deep in his bowels.

In a 2001 interview on The House of Hair Cimba talked about how he came up with the idea for the song, “We were on the road, somewhere between Davenort and Cedar Rapids, Iowa when we pulled into this big truck stop. I went into the shitter to take a dump and on the wall of the stall amidst the Nazi symbols and limericks was something that said, ‘Dan, Wanna suck it’ then it listed his number. Everyone always thought this song was about hooking up with a woman and rocking her world when really it was about me calling up this dude Dan and sucking him off ’til he sprayed all over my face. Ha ha ha”.

Whiskey Dicked

The fist track written entirely by Nasty, it reaches out right through your speakers and sucker punching you in the ear, nose and throat this is Whiskey Dicked!

The old school metal is hot and heavy and is comin’ at ya fast n’ furious like a freight train screamin’ through the night and crashing into an orphanage setting all the little parent-less kids on fire and body slamming the survivors. This song is nothing short of a masterpiece and probably the best example of Dut’s vocal abilities in his entire career, he hits notes that people previously didn’t even know existed. Turbo, Groz and Cimba all build a strong platform for Nasty to stand upon and make his guitar scream into the heavens and ear rape god.

Dr. Beefhammer

Opening with a bayou-inspired slide guitar line by Turbo and featuring off-kilter drum syncopations from Cimba, it’s a strange bluesy tune that sort of says to you, “does this rag smell like Chloroform” just before it knocks you out. When you come too you’re bound and gagged in the trunk of an old Caddy being driven straight to hell and up the Devil’s asshole by the true masters of metal.

Rock My Rocket

HUGE guitars on this one. It’s all about the rumbling, rolling riffs here. The six-string work is nothing short of smokin’ for the track’s duration. all strutting-guitars, solid play from the rhythm section and  grooving vocals from King Dut. There’s little of the huge vocal hooks that you expect from SNYDER at this juncture but there’s still plenty of the band’s trademark hip-swinging grooves and funk-laden swagger.

The brilliance in the third verse of the song, just before the bridge, can’t really be explained without the music behind it, but here is the lyric,

“You may be a smitten kitten, but I got better things with lower inhibitions to do. You know how to get on your knees, but only to pray, and that ain’t what I need from you. Your sister kissed her then she gave her a lick and my head started to spin. If you wanna rock my rocket, girl show up wearin’ nothin’ but a grin!”

The Tight Stuff

It is popular belief that every metal album needs to feature a ballad but that belief is proven wrong. This song was written by Groz and Noah on the back of a Shoney’s napkin and features some of the most complex bass playing of Groz’s career. This track isn’t as “in your face” as the other tracks on the album, but it is by no means a “ballad” or a “slow jam”, it just moves at a different pace.

This was one of the last tracks to actually be recorded and both Dut and Turbo make a poor showing on this track as they were both soaked in alcohol and too busy chasing skeezy strippers to give proper performances.

Its 4AM, Where’s My Bicycle

King Dut and Turbo were known to the world as “The Booze Brothers” for the longest time and this song plays out like the story of their decent into alcoholism set to music. According to Groz and Bodie Mann, this track was written at the beginning of the tour, before Bodie was fired. The band had just finished a show in Branson, Mo and Dut and Turbs were down at the hotel bar. A group of guys from the Pagans Motorcycle Club recognized the two and invited them to ride with them to a local strip club. At the club details blur, but according to legend and the song Dut and Turb engaged the Pagans in a series of drinking games and won. As a prize the Pagans offered use of their club house for Dut and Turbs to “bone strippers and get their dicks wet”.

 A few hours later Dut and Turbo were walking down the side of the interstate, Dut naked except for a sombrero and Turbo wearing only a pair of mismatched cowboy boots and a Jim Morrison style belt. A police officer picked them up and took them to the station and when Dut made his one phone call he drunk dialed Amber of Amber and the Bum Rushers and said “It’s 4AM, where’s my bicycle?” then demanded a sponge bath using hot Italian wedding soup and hung up the phone.

Love Burns

This is a track about what one can only describe as “neck herpes”. Lets not go into it.

Pant Like A Dog

Dut and Cimba wrote and recorded a demo of this song years before, just after the break up of C.R.O.Y.L.E. and completely forgot about it. They found the demo in the bottom of a box marked “used magazines” in Cimba’s attic under a stack of muscle building magazines.

Dut and Nasty take turns hitting high notes, Dut with his mouth and Noah on the guitar, to start this track off and it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It all slowly builds on itself until the volume cranks up on Cimba and Groz in the mix and Turbo joins Nasty in leading the listener on a musical, guitar driven adventure.

Dut sounds as though he has a certain sadness in his voice as he delivers the lyrics to this song which really helps to capture the mood of the solemn experience they are talking about…porking a fatty.

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