Wikipedophile: James St. Bodenschatz

James St. Bodenschatz

bodieguitar James St. Bodenschatz(born March 23rd, 1960 in Camp Conshatawba, PA), better known as Bodie Mann, is a Hard rock and Heavy Metal guitarist and singer for the rock bands SNYDER, Schatz In The Dark, Gun Schatz and C.R.O.Y.L.E.

James was raised by a family of separatist Shakers called the Seizers, who among other things believe in Polygamy, child brides, inbreeding and facial hair. He was classically trained to play the recorder and was invited to record an album of recorder music called “Seven Wives For Jesus”.

While on a tour of Seizer temples across the U.S. James was introduced to something that was strictly forbidden by his sect, caffeine. One night after drinking three pots of coffee James stole a motorcycle and rode across seven states in a wedding dress.

After suffering from a mild heart attack James was released from a hospital in Indiana and hitch-hiked back home. When he returned to his village he renounced his religion and got a small one room apartment which he shared with a drifter named Kawalloo.

Kawalloo taught James how to play the guitar and buy really tight jeans, a few days later he beat James up and stole everything he owned.

In 1979 James joined the band SNYDER where he was given the name Bodie Mann and helped the band write and record their debut album, “Just The Tip“. His tenure in the band was short lived though as other members of the band thought he was “kind of a prick” and “his beard always smelled funny” and by 1983 he was out of the band.

Schatz In The Dark

After leaving SNYDER James, taking advice from “some douchebag” decided to start writing and recording his own music. The result was the band Schatz In The Dark. The first SITD album barely charted but it did have so really catchy music and James was asked to write a song for the performer Celine Dio, the trans-gender, one person metal act and James obliged.

The resulting song, “Afternoon Nap” was a commercial and critical success and catapulted James to the forefront of pop culture. When James began production on his next album “Sleep In The Day” a reputable list of guest artists were banging down his door to get a chance to work with him.

By 1990 St. Bodenschatz was going only by “James” and had a full back up band consisting of 3 guitarists, a bass player, a keyboard player, a drummer, percussionists, back up singers, assistant back up singers and a tea servant. In 1991 as his former band SNYDER was releasing their album “All Over Your Face” he was putting out “James and The Schatz In The Dark: Street Sleeper”.

Street Sleeper was most like a Prince album both in sound and performance. James was coming into his own, gathering a large gay following and playing various LGBT festivals and night clubs.

Six months into the Street Sleeper tour James was hospitalized for exhaustionand became addicted to Rohypnol. At the assistance of his management James took a much needed break. It was during this period that he lost all his money, his girlfriend left him and he was forced to sleepin his car in an Applebees parking lot and shower in the sink of the Applebees. At least until while he was showering one day his car was towed and he was left completely homeless.

Performing with King Dut

In 1992, while living on the streets James was approached by a man claiming to be Marty Radovanic, a representative of King Dut. The man told him that Dut was putting the band C.R.O.Y.L.E. back together and would like James to be his guitarist, he then gave James an envelope containing $5,000 and a plane ticket to Saskatoon Canada where C.R.O.Y.L.E. was rehearsing.

James decided to join his old friend and C.R.O.Y.L.E. soon began recording, “Mahogany Lobotomy” the biggest selling album of C.R.O.Y.L.E.’s career. By 1994 however King Dutwas involved in a messy legal battle with his former bandmate Turbo Charger and an injunction was placed against C.R.O.Y.L.E. to stop performing. By 1997 Dut officially disbanded C.R.O.Y.L.E. and James was on his own again.

Returning to his Religion

 In 1998, at the second lowest point in his life after being homeless, James attempted suicide by eating “a dozen or so St. Joseph’s Asprin” and drinking a bottle of Bacardi Limon. Needless to say this attempt failed as this is a completely lame way to try and kill yourself and James returned to the village of his birth and begged for forgiveness from the elders of the Sect.

He was allowed to rejoin the Sect and eventually was granted status as a minister. James began marrying his gaggle of wives including three cousins, two aunts and four child brides and preached the word of the lord.

Gun Schatz

GunSchatz

When the economy took a dive in early 2008 James’ sect was hit hard and they looked to him to bring money into the village. James decided to record a new album with a new band. The album was “Let’s Nap Together” with Gun Schatz. Sales of the album not only boosted the economy of his village, but it stirred up interest in Schatz In The Dark. As of August 2009 Schatz In The Dark was back together and going on tour with SNYDER on the “Still Hard Tour“.

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