SNYDER: Groz Quits

PHOENIX —

still hard

For SNYDER, the Winter tour cannot get here fast enough. Two weeks ago, news hit that longtime drummer Justin Cimba was killed when his homosexual AIDS infestation blew his hands off and he bled to death in the arms of Cheap Trick virtuoso Tommy Shaw. Shortly thereafter, the band’s guitarist, Nasty Noah, was involved in a media frenzy over his proclamation that LA Guns were much better than The Beatles, who Noah believed consisted of Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins. This week? Status quo as controversy hits again.

A leaked rap album allegedly features bassist Jim Grosik on vocals. “That’s not my (expletive) album, quit (expletive) trying to start shit with us,” Groz initially said. But once a few lines were recited to him, he said, “I’ll write rap albums about whatever the (expletive) I want. (expletive) (expletive) Mexicans. Kill the (expletive) Mexicans. If I want to do rap, I’ll do rap. I’ll write about what I really believe, which is that Mexicans need to be thrown in a (expletive) furnace. If you have a problem with it, kill yourself.”

grozbass

When guitarist Turbo Charger engaged in a daily dose of media damage-control, Groz was even more furious. “Ya know what? I quit. I’m doing rap albums about what I really care about: hating Mexicans and keeping freedom free. This is not (expletive) Spain. Go back to Spain, Mexicans. I’m done with this band. My heart is in rap. I only did this band because of Dut and because of the dumb (expletive) skanks we banged on The Octopus. I QUIT! G-Roz’s new album ‘NIGGA7 GOZLE $’ will be out SOON! The Skeleton Army is HERE.”
King Dut was unavailable for comment, but rumors are already swirling that the band will add either Jason Russell of The Dirty Dirties or Donnie Edwards of Guns n Roses to keep their Liberty Park fanbase. SNYDER is already backed into a corner with their long-standing homo fanbase, who have threatened to disown the band if they do not replace Justin Cimba with a homo drummer. The band quickly hired Rick Mitchell of Rick Mitchell and the Metal Masters to satisfy the ‘queers’ as Turbo Charger put it last week.

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