Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
News keeps coming out of the SNYDER camp and each tidbit is more unbelievable than the last. In their last announcement SNYDER stated that Groz had returned to the fold after his 24 hour foray into rap music and that they had hired a new manager, Colonel Tom “Dolomite” Dolan. Dolan has already began proving why he was the right man for the job by looking at the recent SNYDER developments and seeing instead of tragedy, a major opportunity to make bank.
“Some people would look at these fucking *burp/hiccup* events and see nothing but a *burp/acid reflux/wince*, oh God, see nothing but a big fuckin mess but I see money. Money to be made. Hold On. Ehhew. Whew. That was gross. Anyway, Cimba goes and dies and I think that’s the best fuckin thing to happen to this band since it formed, that kid was always an asshole since I pissed on his house. Fuck em. Groz, well that son of a bitch didn’t do anything that people wouldn’t have expected anyway. Free publicity. So here’s my idea, a SNYDER reality show.”
Dolomite then chugged down a bottle of Andre champagne and started screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. Another person who chose not to be named but IS close to Dolan revealed the details of his plan. It is to be a three pronged approach, first SNYDER will take part in a reality show about their lives in the band, their times on tour and give an in depth look as to what it mean to be a member of the biggest band in the world. The second part of the plan is a game show feature Dolan, Turbo and Dut called “Drinking Games”. For the first two acts of every show the three would act as hosts and judges for the other contestants, then in the last act of the show the remaining contestants would face off against the SNYDER boys to determine a winner. “It would be like a ‘Win Ben Stein’s Money’ but with drinking and assholes”. Finally work will begin on a biopic of the band sometime next month.
The as of yet unnamed movie will tell the story of SNYDER over the last 30 years and how they have not only survived, but how they have remained the biggest band on Earth. We will continue to give you updates on casting as details come in but at the moment no names have been attached to the project.