Rio De Janeiro——
Today at around 1:45 PM Dustin King, lead singer of the American hard rock band SNYDER was arrested in Brazil after being thrown into the street while highly intoxicated. King Dut as he his better known to his fans was in Rio seeking, according to the singer, “some hot ass Latin tail. These bitches just have sex with strange dudes all day”.
Dut stumbled into the “Sexo borracho del cerdo” pub and eatery around 11:30 this morning and ordered “Fish tacos and dubloons “. The bartender explained to Mr. King that the bar does not serve fish tacos and that dubloons are a pirate coin, not a food or beverage. It was at this point that Dut began drinking beer and chasing it with Andre Champagne and hot sauce in a shot glass. By 12:30 the singer was drunk and crying about what feats of strength used to mean and that no one wears a spandex one piece like Jimmy Nieds (Jim Neidhart).
Within an hour the bartender and two other patrons physically removed King from the bar and called the authorities.
I had a chance to catch up with Dut in his cell before he was released on bail,
“Last night those god damned wrestling pussy farts in the WWE put on another disgusting ‘show’. Wrestling hasn’t been entertaining since ’99 now its just a bunch of greased up douche bags getting all gay with each other. Hell I remember when me, Turbs and Groz formed “The Ragin’ Rangers” and invaded the WCW, now THAT was a fucking show. I guess Ben RAW TITS BURGER (Roethlisberger) and his bunch of pansies were on there last night being all stupid. What’s that buddy? The offensive line of the six time world championship winning Pittsburgh Steelers were on Raw last night and you didn’t hear about it? Maybe that’s because no one watches fucking faggot wrestling any more!!!”
As Dustin King was exiting the jail in the company of his lawyer and what I can only assume were transvestite hookers, ugly even by diseased transvestite hooker standards, he stopped to make a final statement.
“You know what I have had enough of this wrestling crap. Vinnie Mac (Vince McMahon), you get the heart foundation back together and me and the Ragin Rangers will show up and give the world a real wrestling spectacle. Hell, you get the Rock N’ Roll Express or DOA if you want to, I don’t give a shit. Any time, any where. Suck on that cock stick!”