Video Professor

So what the fuck is wrong with TV. now any way? Every time I sit down to watch television I am bombarded with stupid drivel that makes me want to kill myself. Aside from a few random shows on a few random stations, everything on TV. is worthless. Even worse are the woman’s channels Lifetime, Oxygen, WE they can all lick a fat dick. Here is the basic breakdown of what you will see if you watch any of those channels. A sitcom from the 80s featuring female leads that boarder on dykehood, or old women living in a retirement community amidst shitty jokes, reruns of a talk show hosted by a lesbian take your pick here, the fat lesbian that looks like a harpooned whale, or the blonde lesbian that insists on dancing, then usually two movies in a row about stupid whores that act like sluts and get raped, assaulted, beaten, belittled or otherwise harassed by one of those evil creatures with a penis, or a switched at birth movie. Or maybe god will really want to make you kill yourself and it will be a movie about a lesbian, or a fag that wants to be a chick. Then that will usually be followed by some unfunny female stand up comedians talking about their bloody vaginas. I hate almost all female comedians. Then if you are lucky the infomercials hit and by this point your brain has been turned to such shit you actually consider buying that combination ass hair comb/tofu maker. Add to that a cooking network, not one but 7 outdoor channels, 38 channels of NASCAR, 156 HBOs all the other shitty overpriced movie channels, the 93 channels of worthlessness known as MTV, 684 billion shopping networks, and your four local channels which all suck, and it is enough to make you wanna blow your cock off with a shot gun then sit in a pile of salt. Well I want a channel of my own. THE ALL SHIT NETWORK. It will be exactly what it sounds like. It will be 24 hours of people shitting from all different angles. You can even have shit off competitions. It’ll be great. Then again with the current situation in television, either Viacom will buy it and turn it into an MTV clone so it will play everything but people shitting, Time Warner will buy it and turn it into an extended WB (since that is almost a network of people shitting), or Disney will buy it and play nothing but cartoons about turds which might be alright. Except they will try and capitalize on it in their parks. I can see it now. The newest attraction in Adventureland Shitasia riding the winds of poo. I hate TV.

TV. has spawned another fowl creation ads for Video Professor, and guess what asshole that is my next rant.

Video Professor can eat my fucking cock and sound of John W. Scherer’s (note the apostrophe used to show possession) voice makes me want to jam a rusty paper clip in my eye while listening to Creed. If you are lucky enough to have never encountered an add for video professor and don’t know what it is, it is this shitty idea that some bald mustachioed jack ass thought up. He takes a lame ass Windows based program and explains to you how to use it. Do receive the lesson you pop the c.d. in your p.c. and it starts playing an instructional video over the program it is rambling on about. All the stuff the amazing videos teach you, you can learn by picking up the instruction manual that came with the god damned program. It is written for complete fucking morons who, you know as well as I do are only ever going to use their computers to check their shitty emails and beat off to virus infected free porn. If you really want to use a piece of software, read the manual, buy a good book, order a pizza, get some of your favorite liquor and a pack of smokes and dig in. Sit there with it until you know it inside and out you dolt. Don’t order some shitty ass c.d. from some bald kittie rapist (that’s right a raper of small cats) and think you are going to learn anything. All this is going to do is perpetuate the influx of shit heads using computers. Then again, anyone that really knows what they are doing is using a Mac, or other UNIX based system anyway.

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