Dear Santa 2008

Dear Santa,

I know last year you and I got off to a bad start. We both said some things that we didn’t mean and I told Jesus you were a fat miserable bastard. I know, I also challenged you to a no holds barred fight at Madison Square Garden. I might have been a little out of bounds there. Sure, o.k. I admit I set up a bear trap in front of my fire place just in case you showed up but I think I made up for it this year.

I didn’t make fun of any dead wrestlers. I didn’t insult any fat kids and I didn’t even make fun of that Mexican guy who got robbed and super glued to his own steering wheel.So can we PLEASE put this all behind us?

This year all I want is for the war in the middle east to end.

Also…an X Box 360. But most important the war to end.

Oh yeah and I have had my eye on the new Nissan GT-R. If I could get one of those and an X-Box 360 AND you could end the war that would be awesome.

Sorry. One more thing. If I could get a bunch of new parts for my motorcycle, some new music equipment and a date with Anne Hathaway (my wife doesn’t need to find out) that would be would be supereb. Let me make clear, not instead of, but in conjunction with the Nissan GT-R, XBox 360 and the end of the war.

You know what. I am being unrealistic. No one man can end the war. Lets just focus on the Nissan GT-R, XBox 360, new parts for my motorcycle, some new music equipment and a date with Anne Hathaway (my wife STILL doesn’t need to find out).

If you feel bad about not being able to stop the war, I understand. If it helps your conscience you can give me a big, huge, like 300 pound bag of $100 bills.

O.k., so the final list is the Nissan GT-R, XBox 360, new parts for my motorcycle, some new music equipment and a date with Anne Hathaway (my wife STILL doesn’t need to find out) AND a big, huge, like 300 pound bag of $100 bills.

Also. Please ask Steve Martin not to sue me for this.

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