Movie (pre)View:5 Reasons not to leave your house.

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Apparently no one learned from “Road House 2: LastCall” or “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights” but Patrick Swayze sequels without the Swayze master just don’t fly. So why in god’s name is Jan De Bont trying to make a sequel to “Point Break”? I will tell you why. So that you go out and murder your family. That’s why.

chestburster_spaceballs_2

Apparently rumors have been suggesting a fifth Alien movie. Or maybe if you count the two AVP abortions it is the seventh. Hell toss in the spce truck stop scene from Spaceballs and you got 8. Add in how little anyone cares about anymore Alien sequels and it could be Alien 15 for all I give a shit. They probably would cal it something gay like A15 and fan boy nerds would say it “A One Five”. At least Sigourney Weaver has said she has no desire to come back. From the bark you dummies…From the bark.

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Speaking of Spaceballs, how about the rumors about Spaceballs 2? This has been pretty persistant since the first movie when “Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money” was mentioned in the first one. It died off for a while then started to pop up with the next Brooks film. Died again then popped up again after “The Producers” was turned back into a movie. Died off again then came back in 2005 with “Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2” rumors. Died again but because of the fact that “Spaceballs: The Animated Series” won’t give up it is starting to resurface.  All of that being said, Mel Brooks is probably my favorite moviemaker and Spaceballs is certainly his Magnum Opus but that doesn’t mean I want to see it brought back. Now here me out, Brooks hasn’t made an entirely new movie since 1995’s “Dracula: Dead and Loving it”. You can argue about the latest “Producers” movie, but even that was four years ago and was really only a re-make of one of his earlier movies. I am not saying he doesn’t still have it, I just don’t think his return to movie making should be a sequel. Second, he has never really made a sequel, ever. Third Spaceballs: The Animated Series kind of sucks it. Finaly, John Candy is dead and who wants to see an elderly Rick Moranis?

Scream

Scream 4. Wes Craven can fuck himself right in the eye with a big iron stick for every peice of shit movie he’s made since 1994. I hated the first three Scream movies, I will hate this one. Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox are also supposed to come back. Really though, what else has Neve Campbell even been doing? Coke?

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There’s supposed to be another Hulk movie. That’s right. Remember that movie you didn’t see the first two times it was in theaters? They’re making another one. No, I don’t know why. Apparently Marvel enjoys the feeling associated with pissing away money. I would hope that maybe one day they will make a decent Punisher flick or do something look like make a dark movie featuring characters like Moon Knight, Gambit, Black Panther or really any of the Marvel Knights characters but I doubt it. Avi Arad is a bigger dipshit than the Beareded Wonder (George Lucas)

Alright kids. I am making myself sick with all this horseshit. Later.

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