Hawdy all. How’s yinz doin? Well it has been a while since my last update but I got a lot a news about my braudder n me. So first off, both me n my braudder got laid off from da tire burnin plant and we had ta find some new jobs. Ya know, all these NASCAR hats aint gonna pay fer demselves. Anneehoo, we come home from work da day we got laid off and mama told us dat one a da ladies she goes ta chrch with was jus talkin about how her son just got promoted to manager down at da local McDonalds and dat we shid try gettin jobs der. So we went down and talked to da guy and he agreed to hire us for the midnight to 8 am shift.
Jethro took da job makin da burgers n fries and I took da job runnin da register causin how I’ better at math. So about 3 weeks later we were workin one night and I had to take a monster shit. I come out da bathroom from dropin a deuce and that sucker was about as big around as my forearm and longer than a cobra. Well when I came out Jethro was yellin ta me dat dere was someone at da drive through winda. I went over and the guy placed an order. Now we are open 24 hours but from midnight to 5:30 am all you can order is Big N’ Tasty’s, Big Mac’s, Hamburgers, Cheese Burgers, Chicken Nuggets, Fries and drinks. Well dis ass master kept tryin ta order a fsh sammich.
Finally he decides ta order a Big N’ Tasty. Well as it turns out dere aint no fuckin pickles and on top a dat I had a list a chores dat needed ta be done before da morning manager came in. Well Jethro made da dude his sammich and I gave it to him and I said, dere aint no fuckin pickles buddy I’m sorry. Well da dude started runnin his mouth and I told him dis wan’t no Burger King he couldn’t have it his fuckin way.
Da dude drove off and I started cleanin da lettuce table. About 3 minutes later I hear someone knockin on da drive through winda. Sure enough its da same dude. I said “What da you want”. Dat mother fucker had da nerve ta ask me fer ketchup. Dat’s when I snapped. I said, “Oh I know you didn’t just ask fer fuckin ketchup. You think ketchup just grows on fuckin trees”. Jethro walked over and started screamin at da guy “Do you have any idea how fuckin busy we are? You can go home and get yer own fuckin ketchup”. Den I said “I will fuckin stab you. Don’t you be gettin my braudder all upset. You gonna be in a world a hurt.” Then I walked over and grabbed da ketchup pump. I went back over to da drive through winda and tried ta stab da dude in da chest with it.
Well about a half an hour later Dean, da dude who hired us came in n’ said we was fired so we fuckin left.
Well about a week later mama was cryin and asked how we gona pay da bills. She’s had a pretty rough go of it since pa died in that fish wrestlin accident, may god rest his soul. Well I jes felt real bad so I decided to get Jethro and go find new jobs. I looked all over da house fer Jethro and finally ma said he went out to da chicken coup. When I got out dere he was sittin in da corner. He claims he was lookin fer a scoop shovel but I know he was whackin his pud.
We started drinkin some peppermint schnaps and tryin ta figure out what da hell we were gonna do fer money. About 15 minutes later ma comes out and tells us dat our uncle Claudius is movin down ta Quemahoning and he’l pay us 50 whole dollars if we drive his truck down. So we did dat and went ta ask him fer da money. Well he only had $25 in cash and Jethro started flippin out. He was carryin on and threatenin ta punch his cat if he didn’t give us da udder 25.
Claudius told us we were nothin but a bunch a losers and dat mama should have drowned us in da little Conemaugh. Jethro got super pissed and punch his fuckin cat right in da god damned face. Then he said dat he had a $25 gift certificate ta Stager’s store and we could have dat too since he wouldn’t be gettin up dat way too often.
When we got back home mama scolded us fer punchin his cat and den Jethro and I went ta Stager’s. We got up dere and dey had dese awesome huntin hats wit camo and deer horns drawn on em. We got 2 a dose, we each got a new pair a rubber boots and we still had $8 left over so we bought some braunschweiger and some bread and ate some sammiches.