Yo Joe! Joe Wurzelbacher Reporting: Part Three


I’M BACK!!! That’s right everyone. I solved the conflict in the Holy Lands all by myself. Apparently the Israelis and the Palestinians agreed to work together to get me out of their turf and have vowed to work together, forever if need be, to keep me from coming back. So…I did it. Yeah. Feels good. Prob-em was that I got back in to the states and I had nothin to do. I was pretty much out of work again, and more importantly people weren’t paying attention to me. I thought they were all turning pinko commie on me and I’ll admit, I was dying a little bit inside.

I started to realize that with Tom Daschle, Rush Limbaugh and Rod Blagojevich out there grabbing all my headlines so I met with my agent/publicist/wiener adjuster who told me I needed to become a political consultant. I needed to be the great, white, bald, uneducated, unemployed, unlicensed, unimportant hope for the Republican party. Needless to say I got right to it.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking, haven’t the Republicans learned that nothing flushes their chances of getting what they consider a serious message across faster than turning to me, the simple answer is…if you think that you are a Satan worshiping commie that sodomizes zombies. How else do you expect a group of pasty, out of touch, filthy rich white men, who are in no way affected by the economy to connect with the average American who is flat broke, up to their eye balls in debt and unable to provide their kids with any kind of life or hope?

Let me tell you how. The hire Joe the Political Consultant. That’s right. With me on board the Republicans believe they have a shot at not only connecting with the American worker but they believe that they can convince all the American people that they should want to stay flat broke, up to their eye balls in debt and unable to provide their kids with any kind of life or hope, and if you look to the government to actually help its citizens in any way you’re just a commie who want free welfare.

Sure I, technically don’t have a job either and sure if you break it down I really do no actual work and yet still get paid (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than anyone who really needs it) by the Republican party. Its o.k. though because I have a title. I’m Joe da freakin Political Correspondent if it weren’t for me Fox News would have to find some other ignorant, unintelligible, close-minded, undereducated, loud mouth loser to try and turn into a national hero since McCain and Sarah Palin let them down so hard.

Well guys I am out for now. I have to go find a dictionary and look up a couple of definitions. In particular the meanings of the words “Political” and “Consultant”.

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