Welcome to the fifth edition of what is quickly becoming one of our most popular articles on Hey Stupid, Lost in the Attic. I started doing these a couple of years ago just as a way to fondly remember the action figures I used to play with growing up that were maybe not the most popular ones out there. Since I started this series I have had a few simple rules in place, 1) The toys I talk about can’t be the most mainstream, I never covered any G.I. Joes or Transformers. 2) I had to own, have owned or at least played with the toys I talked about. Other than that I had a few small guidelines, but nothing set in stone.
This edition is going to be my most ambitious and the first to stray away from an action figure dominated format. This edition is going to attempt all of the great boardgames I remember playing while I was growing up. In past articles I have mentioned some board games and I will try my best not to double up. For instance I have already talked about Curse of the Cobra in a previous article, so I won’t go over it here.
As always, I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I do writing it.
Key to the Kingdom
I am opening with this game because of how truly awesome it was. The point of this game was to get into this kingdom, steal a treasure and a key card and get the hell out. The board itself was bright and colorful and really set your imagination to work and one of the coolest things about this game was that the board was divided into multiple parts with all different paths on them so you could connect them together in different ways. Also there were these bad ass whirl pools you had to jump through and to a young adventurous kid the only thing cooler than a whirl pool was quicksand. There were some traps and shit in the game but you were given tools to get by them.
At first I thought I would be violating my own rules of popularity by talking about what is without a doubt one of the greatest, zaniest boardgames of all time, Mouse Trap, but I was amazed to find out just how many people have never heard of Mouse Trap before. In this game you play as a mouse and have to navigate through what is essentially a large crazy mouse trap. The trap itself was a complex Rube Goldberg machine and in all honesty, if your hands were steady enough to set the final trap at the end you must have been a Zen master. This game was fun to set up, fun to play and even more fun to play drunk 20 years later.
Someone got me this game for Christmas one year, I think it was my mom, and I have been tyring to describe it to other peole ever since. I had trouble finding a picture of this game on line because I thought it was call Cross Town or something but I recognized those little cars as soon as I saw them. The game itself was boring as hell but i still had a handful of those cars clear up until I was in college so I was on a quest to find out exactly what this game was called.
This game was about the coolest thing an 8 year old boy could ever play that wasn’t a video game. There were two guns, a shit ton of bal bearings and little plastic things with slightly biger bal bearings in the middle. The object was to shot the guns, hit the plastic thingamajiggers and knock them in to your opponents goal.
Don’t Break The Ice
This game is one of the Cootie Games, games like Ants in the Pants, Cootie and Don’t Spill the Beans. They were cutesie games made for kids and didn’t require a lot of strategy, they were mostly made to help improve motor skills. This game shouldn’t be confused with Thin Ice which is a shitty game played with marbles, water and tissues.
No this isn’t the game Steve Irwin was playing with his kid a few years back, This is a game with a little motorized croc that chomps up and down. The players had to remove his bottom teeth with out having their extractor chewed on. It was a lot of fun as a kid and as an adult I stored an ashtray in his mouth.
As an adult geek this game gives me a chub just thinking about it. My neighbor had this game and we used to play it for hours and hours. The basics about this game are, each player has a territory and when it is that players turn the turn the tower toward them. The do shit, land on spaces and then press the matching button on the tower. The tower kind of acts like a Dungeon Master and tells you what happens. If you haven’t heard of this game its probably because it was only made for a year or two before the producers got sued for stealing the concept. If you have a working copy of this game put that shit on EBAY, it’ll put your kids through college.
Don’t Wake Daddy
My cousin had this game and he loved it, but I never really gave a shit. You picked cards moved around and then had to hit a button that might wake the dude in the sprig loaded bed. It was just kinda boring. Though now looking at it I wouldn’t mind having the little bed thing just to have it for weirdness sake.
This game was like battleship but with faces. You and your opponent both have a card with a face on it, then on your little rack there are all different faces. You ask a question about a feature like, “Do you have a mustache?” If the other player says no you put down all the cards with mustaches. Eventually you’ll only have a card left and you’ll win.
I Vant to Bite Your Finger
This is another game my neighbor used to have. The actual rules aren’t really important as long as you know Dracula is going to bite your finger with two red markers. I guess it is supposed to be a penalty to be bitten by Dracula but I would love to be a vampire. It’s not like they called it, “I Vant To Give You AIDS”.
13 Dead End Drive
If you’re thinking this game looks like Clue and Mouse Trap rolled into one you would be 100% correct. My mom and I played this game a couple of times when I was a kid and I think it made an appearance at a few parties but it wasn’t a family favorite. It is surely worth checking out but I wouldn’t lose sleep if you’ve never played it. The breakdown is that you’re in a haunted house and the house is trying to kill you.
This game is one of three that I wrote this article for. When I was a kid this was possibly the best and coolest game I ever had. I freaking loved playing this game and everyone that came to my house knew it because I forced them to play with me. As a player you were an Indiana Jones type dude that had to progress along the board until you could climb up to the bridge. The bridge and the Idol it was connected to were motorized and would rumble back and forth. The goal was to get your guy to the idol and put a jewel in your back pack then get back across the bridge and to safety. Because of the movement your dude could fall off the bridge and you would lose the jewel. Just talking about it makes me want to order this shit on ebay. Any how, long after I lost most of the pieces i would you the bridge set up with my action figures.
This game was introduced to me by my babysitter when I was like five. At the time I loved it because everything about it reminded me of David the Gnome and the little pine trees had treasures hidden under them. It was a lot of fun to play as a kid but looking back on it I don’t think it would be as exciting as an adult…unless my hot ass baby sitter was still willing to play it with me.
I know that this really isn’t a board game but it was still fun as hell and almost every kid has played it. It has had all different names and there have ben countless variations of it but the basic concept is the same. The little fish are in a motorized pond, the pond goes around in a circle and the fish bob up and down opening and closing their mouths. You have to use the little rod to get the fish to close their mouth on the string and pull them out. The first player to get all the fish out wins.
This wasn’t exactly a game either but my god was it fun. Colorforms were thin plastic pieces that would use static to stick to a shiney board and you could make different pictures with them. There was a color form for almost every major cartoon when I was a kid and they were always a good time.
I have probably played this game more than any other game on the list. To tell you the truth i still have an ongoing challenge with my grand parents. This game has been at the heart of more family feuds than any thing else in the history of my family. I remember there was an entire year that my aunt refused to play any other game with my family because of how badly we all teamed up against her in Aggravation.
Man this game was the shit. It had the pain-in-the-assness of Operation combined with the motion of an epileptic taking a fit. The game itself was a big plastic bed that had a little motor with a plastic actuator under it. You would turn the motor on then dump all the plastic bugs out on the bed. Each player would pick a color, red, yellow, blue, or green and then you would get a corresponding set of grabbers and you had to get all of your color bugs out of the bed before everyone else. This was the type of game that would usually end with a punch in the face.
Chicken Limbo is exactly what it sounds like, limbo with a chicken. This game was always great at a party when I was a kid but it wasn’t until I was much older and much drunker that I really appreciated how the chicken goes ballistic when you bump into him.
Crackers In My Bed
This is another game I used to play with my grand parents. It was kind of like a memory matching game but with crackers and when you got a match you shoved the crackers into the giant mouth at the head of the bed.
This one’s for the ladies! My cousin (female) used to own this game and we had to play it every time we went to her house. It is kind of like a 3d monopoly with a mall and instead of property you buy shit. There was a little speaker that would tell you what to do each turn and I think an ATM to keep track of your money.
There were two games I played as a kid called Dragon Strike. The first was a TSR game which was kind of like an Advanced Dungeons and Dragons board game that I owned and the second was this one which my friend Joe had. I plan on doing an entirely seperate article on RPG’s so I won’t include the TSR version here, but this one was kind of cool too. Big dragon, little guys, don’t get eaten.
This was a game where a motorized shark was attached to an arm that connected to the center of the board. The shark would move around in a circle and chomp up and down and eventually try and eat you.
In concept this game sounds awesome, all the players make little bugs out of play do and try to get them around the board while the other players try to splat them with the giant hand. In reality it is kind of boring as shit.
Well guys, thanks for checking out another edition of Lost In The Attic. I hope you enjoyed it. These were all games from my youth that I look back on with fondness. How about you? Do any of you have any favorite games you played as a kid that I didn’t have on the list? Be sure to let me know.