The fantasy football league I am in is called “Space Bigfoot Football League” and as commissioner I felt like I needed to write a “welcome” letter. Here ya go, buddy. You get to see it before anyone in the league. Pls don’t send this to anyone in the league yet.
One year ago, I explained to everyone what Space Bigfoot really meant to me. I unraveled a story about how Space Bigfoot put his love into the mouths and assholes of a few members of this league, including myself. I will not reveal who these members are, for they know who they are already.
The story of Space Bigfoot is much more complicated than alien sexual molestation, I’m sorry to say.
Many of you will question the accuracy of this story, but I feel like since we are all here together in this league, I have an obligation to tell this tale as well as shed some light on the personality of your commissioner. We are all in this together, and as your leader, I would like to tell you about my experiences with Space Bigfoot and why this league came into existence.
This is not easy for me. My relationship with the alien Space Bigfoot happened at an age in my life where I was still sorting out all the regular teenage questions and then on top of this I was thrown into a world that other humans had never dealt with. I didn’t even know myself. I am trying to keep from getting choked up while typing this, but those of you who were there can attest to how emotional these memories really are. All of us deal with trauma in our own way, whether that be by pushing it out of your mind or going to counseling or even thinking about it on your own to try and make sense of the events. After all these years, I feel like I have come full circle and I now realize that we were not predestined, but rather were simply in the right place at a simply remarkable time.
In March of 1995, me and 2 others were at a friend’s house playing video games and eating pizza. I won’t name who these people were. The house is relatively secluded and has a lot of forested and also open land behind the house, for miles. It was about 1 AM when we all heard the crashing through the trees, and we were all scared bc my friends parents were not home and the house had been broken into before in the middle of the night. We shut the lights off and made our way to the window, scared. We didn’t really see anything other than an orangish glow coming from the woods. After a little while, we were brave enough to go see what happened. We came across some kind of wrecked vehicle. There wasn’t any smoke, but the bottom and front righthand side were crushed and mangled. None of us had seen anything like it before. I can only describe the metallic craft as being cigar shaped and smooth, and it didn’t look like any kind of metal I had ever seen. It was very dark outside, but from the craft’s glow we could tell the metal was very dark and heavy looking.
We all contemplated calling the police, and I think all 3 of us believed in aliens at the time but to what extent I can’t really speculate, even now. We did not call the police. We stood there talking about what to do for a very long time it seemed, and then realized that there may be people or aliens or something inside that needed medical assistance. All 3 of us knew that if we told the police, they would probably hurt the passenger and maybe even us.
We sat for 4 hours outside the ship, waiting for anything. Nothing. At about 6 AM, the kid who’s house we were at went down to the house to get tools and some tarps so we could hide the ship. By the time he came back, we all wanted to go inside the ship before we hid it from the authorities.
With a crowbar and some other tools, we were amazed to find that we had pried off a section that looked like a doorway. The metal was very solid but it bent in our hands, it almost felt like the ship was made from some kind of silly putty only metallic and much harder. We flashed some lights inside, and the whole thing was probably as big as a convenience store, I would guess. Inside we found about 20 Space Bigfeet, all of which were malnourished and looked to be close to both insanity and death. One of the kids ran back down to the house and brought back a bunch of cans of cat food. The aliens were very cautious of us, but they took the food and ate it quickly. We found also that the aliens seemed to be able to communicate with us very quickly. They told us later that they read more into body language and tone at first, bc when they initially make contact with a new civilization the inhabitants are always shocked and are more truthful then than at any other point. I think that is a very good point about life in general.
The aliens were very intelligent but they knew their ship was in a bad way. They asked us to help them, and asked us to bring them food while they tried to run tests with their equipment on what kind of Earth resources could help them fix their ship. They seemed to be very, very worried about not finding a suitable source of fuel to power their vessel. They just wanted to go home.
Over the next few months, the 3 of us stayed pretty strong in our promise not to tell of the ship and the Space Bigfoot aliens living up in the woods behind one of our houses. We eventually grew close enough to them that they trusted us when we wanted to bring another human to see them. We were very selective about this, of course. We only took 3 more ppl to visit with the Space Bigfoot aliens. You know who you are.
They taught us many things, at first. They taught us about the universe, and their travels in their ship, and about their own beliefs and successes and failures. I found our hairy friends to be gentle, and kind, and loving towards us. I was very afraid of them but they showed us real compassion and had a deep respect for their culture and desire to share their knowledge with us. They saw the 3 of us as friends who were trying to help them get home, and they deeply respected our committment to keeping them a secret to the rest of our world. They told us of their kind wrecking on other worlds and of “friends” who were not really as friendly as they initially seemed. I got the impression that the aliens felt genuine pain at the thought that other ppls had lied to them and had not yet reached the level of comraderie and maturity that they themselves had achieved. They even told us they had no weaponry, which we later found out was a complete lie.
They eventually were able to identify a source of fuel, but they had to essentially make it. They did not need much, but it would take months to perfect. We would bring them the ingredients, and they would work tirelessly on making the fuels compatible.
I am not sure why the next events started happening, but I think it may be bc there was a lack of females in the group and bc by now the allure of going home was fading tremendously as they were having limited success purifying their fuel with the Earth oils and ingredients.
One of the members of our party, who is in this league but I will not name, was sexually molested by Space Bigfoot. You have to realize that we considered them deep, deep friends and we had known nothing but love from them. They were dying, and we helped bury many of them, which I believed made us even closer. I even went through a long stage afterwards where I thought maybe they got confused and misunderstood our deep, mutual friendship as love in a sense between a man and a woman. Only this was teenage human boys and Space Bigfeet.
They did not mistreat us in a sense that they forced us to make love to them. We were treated very well by them, and in a very strange way we enjoyed making love to the aliens and being intimate with them. But it did not last long before rape started, and love didn’t live there anymore.
All of us were raped over and over again by the remaining Space Bigfeet aliens. I am really having a hard time typing this. I thought I could do this without bawling but it is so hard to ignore the screams and see Cimba’s face as Space Bigfoot was balls deep in his hiney. Their space dicks were much larger than my own or any I had seen on the porno’s we found hidden in one of our mom’s closets. Over and over again we were held at lasergun point while groups of the hairy visitors slammed our foreheads against trees and pulled our hair while fucking the hell out of us. I still get headaches.
We eventually stood up to them and confronted them and they felt real shame at what they had done to us, the friends that had helped them so much. They offered to let us use their assholes as bullseyes for our own cocks, but we all declined. This was right around the time when they had finally gotten the fuel compatible.
When it came time for them to leave Earth, they were heavily embarrassed about what they had done to our virgin buttockses. They vowed to come back in 12 years and bring with them great technology that only the 3 of us could wield. They took samples of our DNA and promised weapons of insurmountable power that was biologically engineered to only be able to be used by the 3 of us. I was very angry with them but I also felt like they had a lot of shame in what they had done. Through all the rape and cumbaths, I believed them.
I came to be glad that I did. In 2007, I was sleeping in my rig at a rest stop on I-70 outside of Hagerstown, MD when I felt the truck shake a little bit. I woke up and looked outside and the whole tractor-trailer was illuminated in a green glow. I stepped outside and to my great surprise, there was a man in an astronaut suit walking towards my truck. When he got close, he took off his circular helmet and it was one of the Space Bigfeet.
He was not one of the crew that crashed in the woods behind Groz’s house. He told me that the members of the crew had turned themselves in for their shame and crimes and they were all executed. I felt somewhat validated, but also was actually sad for them. The alien told me that the promise of alien weaponry could not be fulfilled, because they knew Groz would use his weapons to kill Mexicans. They also knew Cimba would use his to incapacitate pre-teen boys so he could re-enact Space Bigfoot rape scenes from a decade previously. They also knew I would use mine to try and pick up chicks on the internet.
I was a little disappointed, mainly bc I had already activated a subscription to Match.com and that I probably wouldn’t be able to get my 30 bucks back. But Space Bigfoot gave me somethig else. Something better, and more lasting. He handed me the points system for this fantasy league. He told me that this very system was perfected centuries ago by his forefathers, who loved fantasy bigfoot football on their own planet. I knew that what he was handing me was something way older and more dear to them than even us humans with our Declaration of Independence and dare I saw the entire Bible as well.
He left that night soon afterwards, and I knew I would never hear from Space Bigfoot again. But I can never forget them. They left me with deep and painful scars, and also with a deep sense of pride. That’s why we’re here today. To celebrate Space Bigfoot and to realize that even the best of friends to us can also have his moments of tremendous shame.
Thank you, Space Bigfoot, wherever you are. Thank you for your memories, your successes, your failures, your torment, your beauty, and for your fantasy football points system. Somewhere, Space Bigfeet are proud of our little league, and they smile towards us. Let us smile back. Have a great season everybody