SNYDER: Steelers update

still hard
Coming off a Super Bowl winning season, the Pittsburgh Steeler brass wanted to kick off the 2009 season with a real bang. With the news of local super band SNYDER getting back together, the Steelers organization invited the band to perform this afternoon… for a hefty paycheck.
Things did not go as well as planned. The band showed up over an hour late and by all accounts were extremely intoxicated by the time they went on stage. All members of the band were decked out in Steelers jerseys, and performed numerous cover-songs for the crowd of over 40K at Heinz Field.
 The band was instructed to refrain from their own songs because of the sexual nature of their lyrics and performance, and the young age of many die-hard Steeler fans.
What the crowd and Steelers organization got was more than they had bargained for. The band played mostly cover songs, changing chorus lines to reflect the names of the Steeler’s players. Some of the players were not impressed. An outraged Dan Krieder swore under his breath and walked away when the band broke into a cover of KISS’ “Black Diamond”, changed to “Dan Krieder”. The song tells the tale of a woman of the night, essentially calling the Steeler player a prostitute. WR Limas Sweed however seemed to enjoy the altered Aerosmith song “Sweed Emotion”, but reserve Safety Ryan Mundy was not impressed by the Cimba-crooned Bangles cover “Manic Mundy”, which insinuated Mundy is having a homosexual romance with “Valentino”.
They did not just irk the players however, as head coach Mike Tomlin was assaulted all afternoon by lead singer Dustin King, who continually referred to Mike Tomlin as Lilly Tomlin and then Mike Tomczak. It didn’t stop there though, as more alcohol was consumed the singer eventually got into an altercation with a Steeler fan who rightfully expressed that Tomlin was not the former caucasian Steeler QB Tomczak. King Dut refused to believe that the two were not the same exact person that had undergone extensive surgery.
The other members of the band were as out of control as their lead singer, as drummer Cimba used the stage to broadcast that he still loves his estranged boyfriend “Ralphius” and broke down into tears. Cimba was dragged from the stage and replaced by Rick Mitchell, the lead singer and drummer of his own outfit Rick Mitchell and the Metal Masters.
True to SNYDER form, the band broke from their promise to refrain from their own material, playing a new song that was more or less a vulgarity-laced tirade by bassist Jim Groz referring to Mexican immigration.
SNYDER is currently on tour and is one of the most successful rock bands of all time.

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