SNYDER: Changes to the Still Hard Tour

——Turks and Caicos

In an unexpected move SNYDER manager Tommy Dolan called an emergency press conference at the Amanyara resort. King Dut, Turbo, and Noah were all on hand for the press conference, Rick Mitchell was playing a gig with his other band “Rick Mitchell’s Metal Masters” and was unable to make the conference.

The band decided to address the fate of the upcoming “Still Hard” tour and managed to address some fan concerns.

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TURBO: We will still be going out on the road starting next week, but obviously there have been some lineup changes within the band and with the bands that will be supporting us on the tour. First off, Groz still hasn’t come back to the band cause he wants to be a rapper, fine what ever, Lemmy Kilmister is gonna be playing bass for us this trip.

Second, Cimba’s dead, we tried cow towing to his huge audience of queers and homos but no more. Those gays will either have to like us as a band ’cause they like are music or admit to themselves that they only liked us ’cause our drummer was gay which makes them heterophobes. There will be no Cimba tribute band, piss on it, this is a SNYDER tour.

Third, we really feel that our fans, SNYDER fans, rock and fucking roll fans deserve the best, most ass kicking, ball stomping, groupie banging rock show of all time, so we have decided to ditch all of our original supporting acts and instead we have decided to invite KISS, AC/DC and Anvil out on the road with us.

KING DUT: This is gonna be the best fucking tour we’ve ever fucking had and we will be reinstating The Octopus!

NASTY NOAH: Maybe if Groz quits being a big baby pussy and stops trying to be a raping home-dog we can get a proper fucking tour together.

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