If you are about to embark on a night of Trick or Treating, don’t forget that it isn’t all about treats, it is equally about the tricks. The best part of Halloween tricks is that if done properly they cause no permanent damage and if you have properly picked your target they will get all pissed off like it is the end of the world.
Here I am going to review some more classic tricks for your benefit so you can properly execute them this year.
The Treat: This trick is AWESOME if pulled off on the right target. Be sure to go to a house with a young mother or attractive girl. For your own criminal record be sure the girl answering the door is of the age of consent. Any way, you need to make sure you’re collecting your candy in something that can be opened and closed (most plastic pumpkin devices simply have a hole in the top that can’t be closed). First, cut a hole in the side of your candy collecting apparatus. Next shove your penis and if possible, your balls through the hole. When she offers you candy, open the device and have a little treat waiting for her. The downside she calls her husband, boyfriend, father or brother from inside the house who proceeds to kick your ass. The upside, maybe she’ll give you a hand job.
Tricked Treat: This one is relatively simple to accomplish, but will give you hours and hours of fun. All you need is some rubber gloves, common candy (Snickers, Milkyway, Tootsie Rolls, 3 Musketeers; Fun size works best) some glue and some shit. Carefully open all of the candies (you want common ones so they can’t be traced back to you) remove the goodness inside and save it for yourself. Put on the rubber gloves and insert the shit back into the candy wrapper. Dog turds work best for this as the are mailable enough and about the right consistency, but any semi-solid shit will do. Glue the wrapper shut (best to use super glue) but be careful it doesn’t look obvious. If it looks to obvious overprotective parents will think you gave their kids razor blades. If you’re a real asshole…give the kids razor blades.
The Treat for Tricks: Go out and buy up some sexual paraphernalia. Things like condoms, lube, cock rings, tiny vibrators, nipple clamps anything relatively cheap. Then, pick your target. You want it to be highly inappropriate, so wait for really really young kids. You want to make sure that if at all possible you aren’t handing these out at your house. Go to a house where the homeowners aren’t home and sit on the porch. If that isn’t an option, an apartment building works too. If you want to hide the suprize, get some fun size candies and put a handful of them with your sex device in a sandwich bag.
The Trip Wire/ Booby traps: This is just like it sounds, bait those little bastards in with a big bowl of candy but then have a series of booby traps set up to get them. You could be kind hearted and make it stuff like water balloons, or a complete dick and go for the rusty bear trap and AIDS infected needles.