2009 Halloween Costume Review

A few years ago I started patrolling the internet, looking for what I thought were going to be the costumes that the most ordinary jackasses were going to run out and buy. To me Halloween is supposed to be about making your own costumes and showing off how much you really love what you’re dressing up as, not just spending some money on a shitty pre-made costume and looking like a jerkoff.

We all know that 90% of the women out there don’t even try anymore, just dressing up like a slutty cop or a nurse hooker, not that I mind, I love seeing scantly clad, drunk, dumb bitches as much as the next guy, but most of them are cock teases anyway so they really aren’t doing the costume justice. “Where’s my treat you trick”? On the other hand there is also an over abundance of shit head moron guys that either dress up like a penis or some other sexual object, or worse yet, “Adam” to show off how much they want to get laid. We get it dude, you love pussy.

Rolling out all of that and focusing strictly on the stupid shit costumes I think people will buy because they think it will make them unique and awesome like everyone else wearing the exact same costumes I scoured the internet and composed this list.

Admittedly I did find a lot of these at www.spirithalloween.com which I have nothing against, in fact, I think they are a fantastic store and I go there for a lot of supplies, I highly recommend you check them out so I don’t want anyone to think this is a rip on them, they just had the best pictures of the worst costumes.

How do you protect yourself from a dildo?

How do you protect yourself from a dildo?

I am a fan of  Sacha Baron Cohen and though I have yet to see Bruno, I am sure it as at least as good as his other work, but I just know there will be at least five super douches down at my favorite watering hole thinking that they are edgy and hilarious for wearing this. News flash, they won’t be.

Vone, Vone shote of Jager. Ah ah ah.

Vone, Vone shot of Jager. Ah ah ah.

I really do like this costume. I want to rip on it but I just can’t. It isn’t trendy, it isn’t stupid, it isn’t topical, its just the Count. I am sure I will still see some asshole wearing it who will ruin it for me, but it is pretty cool.


Travel Wish #327, I want to kill the Roaming Gnome

When the Roaming Gnome ad campaign first started a few years ago, I thought it was cool. Essentially the idea behind the campaign was stolen from the Garden Gnome Liberation Front who stole garden gnomes and took pictures of them in various locations and mailed the photos back to the original owners. 3,242,198 ads later I am more than a little sick of the commercials and the novelty has worn off. That of course means that some jack ass will see this costume and instantly have to have it. I will guess you will see at least one of these in every bar you go into.

Lady bug? Lady of the night? Trasy college slut who wnats free drinks?

Lady bug? Lady of the night? Trashy college slut who wants free drinks?

This is the first women’s costume on the list and one of the stupidest. O.k. I get the sexy devil and the sexy angel. I love the slutty teachers, nurses, police women and secretaries. A sexy bug though? Really? I dunno know about you but I never looked at a grasshopper and thought, “Boy I want to fuck this grasshopper”.  Look for a few of these wanting to do body shots.


Why so serious? Oh, you've seen 50 people dressed like this already?

Heath Ledger never did anything for me as an actor. I thought most of his movies were disposable and I really could have cared less when I heard he was dead. Then, I saw The Dark Knight and I actually got pissed off that he was dead. He was a fantastic joker, dare I say even better than Jack’s Joker. Don’t get me wrong, Jack’s joker was AMAZING, but Heath’s Joker is another level beyond all else. This isn’t a movie review, so I’ll move on. Ask yourself, how many Jokers did you see last year 1,000? 1,500? I imagine it will probably be a few less this year, but there will still be a ton which means there will still be a ton of ass bangers out there quoting the movie and thinking they’re badass.

Its close to midnight and a something douchey's lurking in the dark.

Its close to midnight and a something douchey's lurking in the dark.

This is going to be the Steve Irwin costume of the year. It would be one thing if Jacko were one hit wonder, crazy, child rapist…like Gary Glitter, but he was the fucking King of Pop, and until he died, no one would have really given a shit about dressing up as him this year. I don’t think its disrespectful or anything, its just retarded. RETARDED.

I thought it was Pocahontas not Poke-A-Hot-Ass

I thought it was Pocahontas not Poke-A-Hot-Ass

Don’t get me wrong, as much as I would love to get blowskies from some chick in a Native American costume and hell “HORN OF PLENTY” while I popped in her mouth, I think this costume is kind of retarded. You know, Native American women used to go topless too, why not save us time and just do that?

Is this really Reno 911?

Is this really Reno 911?

The more and more that I look at this “Reno 911” costume I can’t help thinking it is just a slutty gold cop uniform being marketed as Clemmy’s outfit. I love Reno 911 but unless I had enough people to dress up as the whole cast I think it would be dumb just to dress up as one.


The most powerful thing in the universe...Boobies

Silk Spectere kicks ass, The Watchmen kick ass, Alan Moore Kicks ass. As much as I want to hate this costume because it is a topical movie costume, I really can’t. I have faith that any chick that would wear it would actually be a fan of the movie and hopefully even a fan of the graphic novel  (though that is probably expecting too much). Yes I would prefer a home made costume but I think I can excuse this one.


Am I a dude lizard that lays eggs?

I am glad to see classic video game icons making a comeback, but really? Some one is dressing up as Yoshi? Eh.

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